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Question
Posted by: Kimcan | 2012-08-28

Told to leave...

Dear Doc,

I am a regular visitor to this forum, and often offer my advice here and there when I feel I can help, so hopefully someone can offer me some advice today.

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, and have a beautiful 4 year old. we have never had a perfect relationship. There have been good times, but when things have been bad, they''ve been really bad. We went through a seperation which lasted 7 months, in which time we went to counselling and slowly got our relationship back on track. we''ve been reunited for 2 months now.

Without going into our WHOLE history which would be distracting to my issue at hand, what I will say is that he has a temper problem and a problem with being honest.

He told me over the weekend about a disagreement he had with a member of management on friday who is a female, but from my understanding, he described it as being resolved and was not rude or tempremental. He came home last night and told me that he was called into his bosses office yesterday, along with the member of management and the disagreement was adressed. He said he lost his cool and pretty much told them all that they can go * themselves. From what he said, he crossed a line and they told him he has until the end of the year (he works at a school), after that they want him gone.

I''m a little taken back by this. I know he has always had a temper and he has always been rude and abrupt, but he and his colleages including his boss are all really close. None of this makes any sense to me. I have a feeling that there is far more to this story than he is telling me, and I want to investigate further, but realise that this may not be the best thing to do. He has been " asked to leave"  from a job before, but for different reasons.

He seemed genuinely upset and remorseful when he told me the news, and when I suggested phoning and speaking to his boss to try and get some clarity regarding all of this he told me not to and that It would make matters worse for him (like i said they are more like friends, not colleages)

What would you do? would you just accept this and let sleeping dogs lie, or try and get to the bottom of this to try and possibly mend what has happened?

It just doesnt seem legit at all, and I think by telling me he had an " argument"  with this person on Friday, he may be using this as an excuse for losing his job.



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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello KC,
Well, it does convincingly sound as though his temper problem is now significant, causing problems not only with you and his family life, but seriously damaging his work life, too. Its awfully difficult to know what'd be best to do ( especially as you don't know all the relevant aspects of whatever happened ). It seems likely that there could be some possibility of some revision of the decision on his employment, if he showed some contrition and perhaps promised to get help specifically to deal with his temper / anger problems ; but that would necessarily involve him and/or you communicating with his boss. Do you know the boss enough to be able to contact him independently and say you're worried and want to know what happened ?
As you say, he may have lost his job for other reasons, and the anger may have arisen FROM that, rather than causing it. Its important to know whether anything is remediable, and even whether he might be able to get at least a neutral reference. Is it possioble he might find similar work at a different school ?
let see what others can contribute here

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-08-28

Hello KC,
Well, it does convincingly sound as though his temper problem is now significant, causing problems not only with you and his family life, but seriously damaging his work life, too. Its awfully difficult to know what'd be best to do ( especially as you don't know all the relevant aspects of whatever happened ). It seems likely that there could be some possibility of some revision of the decision on his employment, if he showed some contrition and perhaps promised to get help specifically to deal with his temper / anger problems ; but that would necessarily involve him and/or you communicating with his boss. Do you know the boss enough to be able to contact him independently and say you're worried and want to know what happened ?
As you say, he may have lost his job for other reasons, and the anger may have arisen FROM that, rather than causing it. Its important to know whether anything is remediable, and even whether he might be able to get at least a neutral reference. Is it possioble he might find similar work at a different school ?
let see what others can contribute here

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