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Question
Posted by: Calvin | 2010/09/08

Told me her past

Hi. I’ m 24 years of age and in a relationship with a 21 years old woman. I’ m having a habit of asking my girlfriend of her past sex life and partners especially the ones that I’ m serious with. Last night my girl friend whom I moved in with told me her past life which really makes me sad and fearing to commit to her. I was asking a lot of questions before she could trust and then told me. She told me how she had sex with many guys without thinking, some guys are friend to each other and others were just her friend not even boyfriends, after she told me I was a bit sad and wondering if i want to be with her for life. I’ m a very committed guy and I love her very much but then her past just make me sick, I don’ t know if I will be able to trust her again in my life. She sound like she is not proud to share her past as she also thinks she did bad things. I want to accept and believe that she has changed and I also want to believe that what she did was part of growing up and maybe lack of support and guidance from peers and family. I wish my habit of curiosity can stop because I don’ t think I want to know all this. Is it fair to her for answering me? Is it normal for this kind of curiosity? How can I improve our relationship and forget about her past?
Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

By the sound of it you could definitely benefit from the professional assistance of a psychologist that works specifically in the field of sexual concerns. The old saying “curiosity killed the cat” is very apt when we start digging into lovers pasts and we are not sure how we will be able to handle the truth. By the sound of it you need to integrate information and take some time to assess where you stand with all of this. An objective ear is always useful.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: A man | 2010/09/09

I think it''''s pathetic when people have issues with how many sexual partners their wives/girlfriends/husbands &  boyfriends have had before they became involved. What happened in their personal lives prior to them becoming involved has NOTHING to do with their current partner. It is really is a non issue how many partners she had before you met, even if she did the entire football team it has nothing to do with you at all, it was her private life before you met, just as you had a private life before you met her.

Reply to A man
Posted by: Calvin | 2010/09/09

Thanx donny

Reply to Calvin
Posted by: Ken | 2010/09/09

Well said Donny

Reply to Ken
Posted by: Donny | 2010/09/09

I have been struggling with the exact same thing Calvin and I know how hard it is. My wife had 2 boyfriends before me with whom she had sex occasionally. She was also date-raped twice. I was her first and it took me a long time to get over it that other guys were there before me. For some reason this is especially hard for guys to deal with but society is totally f-d up in that when a guy sleeps with a lots of women he is a stud and when a girl does it she is a slut. It somehow affected my self esteem and masculinity but I realised it was a wicked illusion that jeapordised a beautiful relationship. The best thing to do is to educate yourself to become the best lover that she ever had, give her mind blowing sex and she will soon forget all her previous experiences.
Women engage in sex for different reasons than guys. They need to feel wanted and accepted and a lot of guys abuse this fact and it ends in a lot of heartache on the woman''''s side. If my wife can turn back the clock she would certainly not have made the mistakes that she made and she wishes even MORE than I do that she was my first.
A woman wants to feel safe and protected by her man and if you are a real man you would protect her. That includes protecting her from the darkness of her past.
Good luck my friend. I trust you will find wisdom.

Reply to Donny
Posted by: stan | 2010/09/08

Sounds like your past is the same as hers.

What makes hers different ?

Is it because she is a woman ????

Reply to stan
Posted by: G | 2010/09/08

It is not about trust! Where did she break your trust? Your moerse ego is the problem! It is one thing we have to handle  the okes that -|-.e.d them before we did. She did nothing wrong against you, you were the enquisitive one, and she trusted that you would be able to live with it.

IT HAPPENED BEFORE YOUR TIME, GET OVER IT.

Reply to G
Posted by: past | 2010/09/08

you also done terrible things in the past and not willing to share then with others and you expect others to undertand that you rae sorry for ur acts , why dont do the same to her

Reply to past
Posted by: kerry | 2010/09/08

I think you should ask Cybershrink - he will answer in depth!

Reply to kerry
Posted by: Sassy | 2010/09/08

I think you should stop asking about you girlfriend''s past.
It ends up hurting you.The past is the past. She cannot change it.
I think if you are not sure about commiting to her you should not waste her time. Leave her, she doen''t deserve to be judged for her past. After all we all have done things we are not proud of.

Reply to Sassy
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/09/08

By the sound of it you could definitely benefit from the professional assistance of a psychologist that works specifically in the field of sexual concerns. The old saying “curiosity killed the cat” is very apt when we start digging into lovers pasts and we are not sure how we will be able to handle the truth. By the sound of it you need to integrate information and take some time to assess where you stand with all of this. An objective ear is always useful.

You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to sexologist

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