advertisement
Question
Posted by: Samantha Joseph | 2011/01/13

Toddler Tantrums - 3 years old

Hello,

My daughter turns 3 shortly and I'm in urgent need of assistance. Her tantrums are getting worse with little of remorse for her bad behaviour. I have tried the naughty corner, removing priviledges, even ignoring her until she shows signs of acceptable behaviour.

She is very strong willed and will never say sorry for misbehaving. I've tried expaining to her that her behaviour is unacceptable and that she will not get what she wants but this only intensifies the tantrum.

She has been successful potting trained and has many months of dry nights until about 2 weeks ago, wehn she starting wetting the bed. Last night was the 5th incident in 2 weeks.

There are numerous factors that I have taken into consideration such as:

A new sister (baby is 6 months) old
Our moving house
Her starting in a new class at school
My return to work after 6 months of maternity leave
My concern is that she is still quite young to convey what she is feeling and was wondering what do I need to do to help my daughter, who is a very loving and active girl, cope with all that is happening in our lives currently.

Any helpful comments or suggestions are welcomd.

Yours sincerely,

A Concerned mummy.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Try also posting this query on the Parenting forum.
At 3 one hardly feels remorse, so expecting her to say sorry is unrealistic - at this age.
The naughty chair / ignoring / approach is not as easy with someone so young, and also requires one to apply it for longer than you might expect - the TV shows make it all sem so easy and so quick ! Its more like taming a wild horse !
Losing developmental gains, like wetting the bed having been dry, is usually a sign of distress.
And you list several factors that could be causing the wilfulness, temper and wetting you describe. Such as the arrival of a competitive new sib. With an older child it can be easier to enrol the older sib in helping to care for the baby, but at this age at least one might ask her to help with little chores, and give lavish praise for whatever she can manage. "How lucky your little sister is to have such a clever older sister!"
Then koving house, and starting a new class at school, and losing mom on your return back to work - each of these is sufficient, let alone the combination. And your natural responses expecting maybe a bit more discipline than she can manage, probably adds to these effects.
Try to catch her doing things right, and give loads of love and praise for that. Keep reminding her how important she is to you, and how much she is loved.
Maybe try to have some calm chats about how many things are changing for her, praising her for the extent to which she is coping with this, acknowledging that at first it isn't easy but it will get easier, and aim to make her feel competent and potentially competent.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: R | 2011/01/14

I disagree with doc, my 3yr old easily says sorry, from a young age, when he understands he has done something wrong.
Children of this age understand more than you realise, so don''t take things for granted.
Truth is, you may also be feeling sorry for her, that in a way she is not getting the attention she deserves with the baby, etc, and she picks up on this, therefore this behaviour.
It may hurt you deeply, but being firm helps. I find myself secretly crying, or having the worst day, because I have to do this at times when needed, with mine. But when I collect him after school, he is a happy chappy. It hurts us more than it hurts them.
The important thing is that your firmness sticks with her, so she can remember this each time she tests you.
Stand your ground when the tantrums get worse, only then will she realise you are serious. When my one''s performance started escalating I would take him to his room and tell him firmly to finish, then come find me. It''s is frustrating for us, but they will not love us less, I accept this now.
All the best!

Reply to R
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/13

Try also posting this query on the Parenting forum.
At 3 one hardly feels remorse, so expecting her to say sorry is unrealistic - at this age.
The naughty chair / ignoring / approach is not as easy with someone so young, and also requires one to apply it for longer than you might expect - the TV shows make it all sem so easy and so quick ! Its more like taming a wild horse !
Losing developmental gains, like wetting the bed having been dry, is usually a sign of distress.
And you list several factors that could be causing the wilfulness, temper and wetting you describe. Such as the arrival of a competitive new sib. With an older child it can be easier to enrol the older sib in helping to care for the baby, but at this age at least one might ask her to help with little chores, and give lavish praise for whatever she can manage. "How lucky your little sister is to have such a clever older sister!"
Then koving house, and starting a new class at school, and losing mom on your return back to work - each of these is sufficient, let alone the combination. And your natural responses expecting maybe a bit more discipline than she can manage, probably adds to these effects.
Try to catch her doing things right, and give loads of love and praise for that. Keep reminding her how important she is to you, and how much she is loved.
Maybe try to have some calm chats about how many things are changing for her, praising her for the extent to which she is coping with this, acknowledging that at first it isn't easy but it will get easier, and aim to make her feel competent and potentially competent.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement