Posted by: Sandy | 2012-02-08

Today i got the courage to move out for the first time ever

Hi guys, after not being able to sleep for 2 nights i have decided to move out of our house, still looking for a place to stay and will settle for a guest house at the moment. But i feel bad for leaving my son behind but there is not much i can do cause he adores his father and daddy is banking on him that i will never be able to leave him because of the bond he has with my son. Got an appointment with my lawyer on friday. What is the use of staying in a loveless marriage. I would rather be alone and be able to take care of my little one, due in June 2012.

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Our expert says:
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From outside the situation we can't judge the wisdom f your decision, but the child's inerests must be paramount.and father must no be alllowed to use him as a tool in this dispoute. Chwck ih he lawyer abou aking cusody of boh children, allowing faher access, and having him pay maintenance to cover costs

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jenna | 2012-02-09

I can see this is a very touchy subject to a lot of people. I think fact of the matter is that no matter where the child lives, it shouldn’ t be a reflection on the fitness of the parent that DOESN’ T have the child (unless of course the courts have ruled that particular parent unfit). It’ s 2012- fathers have every right to have full custody of their children, and just because a child lives with his/ her father doesn’ t mean that the mother doesn’ t love him/ her. Each situation and each parent is different, and sometimes the child is happier with one parent. I myself chose to live with my mother, while both my sisters have at some stage lived with my father. It doesn’ t mean anything other than the fact that a child is better off with one or other parent for various reasons. Besides, I don’ t see anyone getting all up in arms when fathers leave their kids behind. Why is that seen as the norm? Again, at the end of the day each child, parent and situation is different.

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: Mommy | 2012-02-09

Nobody is saying that the Dad''s who want to be around should not have equal rights!! Good on you Phil for being so hands on...

In Sandy''s post it just seems as if she leaving her child behind without fighting and to quote " I would rather be alone and be able to take care of my little one, due in June 2012.
"  - WHAT ABOUT HER SON, yes he has his daddy but what about mommy???

Reply to Mommy
Posted by: Phil | 2012-02-09

Jip  they always come back to drop it
Sandy  as you might have noticed. The majority of normal people gave you more or less the same advice. be strong  and negotiate a custody settlemant in the best interest of your kids. Hopefully  joint custody and joint residency. Seldom you get unselfish people like you  putting the kids best interest first. Remember  it''s dad and mom getting divorce - not the kids...

Reply to Phil
Posted by: To Phil | 2012-02-09

PHIL : " please don''''t give your IQ away on the site" 
No need to get your knickers in a knot.....
I see what you mean Carla! Referring to your statement :- " You judgmental bitches.
A mother that does not get her children in a divorce are not good enough to get them

Reply to To Phil
Posted by: Phil | 2012-02-09

Sorry  was in a hurr -

Corrention: And

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Phil | 2012-02-09

Another mommy  please don''t give your IQ away on the site. Who told you that the mom has all the rights? Who told you that if either parent left that they don''t love their kids? There are two parents  both equals. Not mommy is more and daddy is less?

Personally  moms that think they own kids andcan use them are more of a problem in this world. And you obviously think mom should be the one automatically getting the kids. Don''t work that way no more. And this mom  showed how much she loves her child by putting her hurt and feelings after her childs.

Lesson to learn hey...

PS: I am a full time dad yes  so I do whatever dad and mom must do.So you may call me what you like 

Annd Moomy  who told you that it wasnt or isn''t difficult for a dad to leave his kids?

Reply to Phil
Posted by: And yet another mommy | 2012-02-09

Hectic Carla.
Turn down the agro girl?
This is a democratic country. You can express your opinion freely.
Now apologise for calling humans bitches!

Reply to And yet another mommy
Posted by: Liza | 2012-02-09

I''m also a divorced mom and my kids live with their father. Don''t let anyone tell you that you don''t love your children when you''re doing what''s best for them.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Carla | 2012-02-09

To Mommy and Another Mommy, please walk in other people’ s shoes before you pass judgment. She wasn’ t leaving her son because she doesn’ t love him  she was making the very hard choice of leaving her son with a man that he adores. My father did the same- he left us with our mother because we had a better bond with her. Was he selfish? Those who have not been through hard times might think so, until you hear that he has told me that he used to drive to our house and sit outside and cry because he wanted to see us so badly but couldn’ t come in because of our mother. Is he still selfish? No. Is Sandy selfish for doing the same? No she’ s not. You judgmental bitches.

Reply to Carla
Posted by: To Just Saying | 2012-02-09

Good for you for taking BOTH your children with you and not leaving them with their father and moving out on your own.
I think this is the point here....not the fact that she is leaving or has left her husband.

Reply to To Just Saying
Posted by: Mommy | 2012-02-09

I have come to realise over the years that some Mother just love their children differently to others, some love with their heart and some love with their entire heart, being and soul....

The thought of a child of mine or any child for that matter going to bed at night without mommy kissing them goodnight when she has the opportunity to is heartbreaking.

Remmeber children suppress their feelings when they are young but you can be sure they come out when they are older...

Reply to Mommy
Posted by: Just Saying! | 2012-02-09

It is funny how mommies that never have been in a single mom situation or are not divorced are the most judgemental,

Dont judge if you have not fill this lady''s shoes, Geez

Some woman must get over them selfs.

I am a divorced woman and it was so funny in the begiinning going to functions or parties , the first question: Where is your husband and when you tell them you are divorced suddenly you are a big threat to their circle of friends, one lady I know once told me how sorry she feels for me because I am a single mom of two kids.
I am now in a stable loving relationship and we are getting married next year. This same lady always felt that I was not a good mom etc, as if she knows me, years down the line she is also divorced with two kids, go figure,
Phil is right married people should not judge divorce people,
I am so sick of people that looks at me funny because I am a single mom etc, really it is a big pain.

I am glad for ladies if they are happily married and have a stable home and I am not one bit sorry I got divorced because no man will ever cheat and abuse me no man. that was my reason for divorced and my kids are happy and stable and have two loving homes,
so to the two momimies that judged shame on you.

and to the mommy that is going through a diffiicult time , you will get through this and you made hard decision and I am sure your son will understand, just make sure you communicate with him and see him often,

I can not stand judgemental people.

Reply to Just Saying!
Posted by: Another mommy | 2012-02-09

You a mommy Phil? No? You will not understand then so keep your opinion about mothers leaving their children for yourself.
A " MOTHER"  would have gone about this in a completely different way ie.... the legal route maybe? Or maybe leave and TAKE HER CHILD WITH?

Reply to Another mommy
Posted by: Val | 2012-02-09

I must say it could not have been easy to leave your son behind, but well done on your first step to sanity. You have been so unselfish by putting your son''s feelings first. At your first opportunity make sure you explain to your son why you walked out, so that facts do not get re-constructed for your husband to win favour with him and you to look like the bad person. People will judge you, but no one has walked in your shoes to comment.

Reply to Val
Posted by: Phil | 2012-02-09

You know what  do what you have to do right now. Custody can be resolved via the courts. But you are right  if your marriage is over. Get out.
To Another mommy and Mommy  catch a wake up. If your marriage went nowhere  and you had to get out. Then you would have to accept that your kids will grow up in two homes. So think before you make stupid comments  you don''t know the reason for this person having to move out without her child for the time being. Can''t be good.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Another mommy | 2012-02-08

I will take whatever life throws my way but I could never leave my children.

Reply to Another mommy
Posted by: Mommy | 2012-02-08

I have a son, I could never leave him no matter what...

Reply to Mommy

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