Our expert says:
It sounds like you are experiencing a condition known as vaginismus, however, it might be worth just having a physical examination by either a gynae or a GP specialising in women's health just to make sure that there are no physical reasons for this. The most likely reason, however, is vaginismus.
Vaginismus is rarely spoken about, but is not that uncommon - sex therapists work with many women with this condition and it is very treatable! Vaginismus is the involuntary spasm of the muscles at the entrance to the vagina. The reasons for this are varied, but mostly due to a fear of pain on penetration. The treatment involves identifying and resolving those fears, and then gradually learning to relax the muscles in your vagina - first accommodating your small finger, then your ring finger, then your middle finger, then two fingers, etc. This is best done with your fingers so that you are in control of the penetration. You then gradually work towards being able to contain your boyfriend's penis.
I hate to be a party pooper, but I wouldn't get your hopes up about being ready to have penetrative sex next month - but if you begin this work immediately you could make great progress. Explain the situation to your boyfriend; there are MANY things you can do to still be sexually intimate and to excite each other...in the mean time, get a clear diagnosis first. If indeed it is vaginismus, you could begin trying the desensitisation program. There is one available online, I believe. Go to www.vaginismus.com
Alternatively, you could consider consulting face to face with a sex therapist which would provide you with support and an individualised treatment program. If you wish to pursue this, speak to your GP or call the SASHA Helpline (0860 100 262 - leave a message) for names of suitable professionals closest to you.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
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