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Question
Posted by: Annie | 2010-01-23

to tight

I haven' t had sex, I am in my mid 20' s and I have finally fond someone that I want to sleep with/ lose my virginity too. We live in different cities and the last time we got together I was to tight, nothing was going to happening NOTHING. We tried losing with fingers, different position, lube, everything but I would not losing up. He suggested I might be nervous but I wasn' t at all I was happy and relaxed.
We are going to see each other again next month, and I would like to have sex, and this time be successful. What should/ can I do so the vagina actually works this time?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It sounds like you are experiencing a condition known as vaginismus, however, it might be worth just having a physical examination by either a gynae or a GP specialising in women's health just to make sure that there are no physical reasons for this. The most likely reason, however, is vaginismus.

Vaginismus is rarely spoken about, but is not that uncommon - sex therapists work with many women with this condition and it is very treatable! Vaginismus is the involuntary spasm of the muscles at the entrance to the vagina. The reasons for this are varied, but mostly due to a fear of pain on penetration. The treatment involves identifying and resolving those fears, and then gradually learning to relax the muscles in your vagina - first accommodating your small finger, then your ring finger, then your middle finger, then two fingers, etc. This is best done with your fingers so that you are in control of the penetration. You then gradually work towards being able to contain your boyfriend's penis.

I hate to be a party pooper, but I wouldn't get your hopes up about being ready to have penetrative sex next month - but if you begin this work immediately you could make great progress. Explain the situation to your boyfriend; there are MANY things you can do to still be sexually intimate and to excite each other...in the mean time, get a clear diagnosis first. If indeed it is vaginismus, you could begin trying the desensitisation program. There is one available online, I believe. Go to www.vaginismus.com

Alternatively, you could consider consulting face to face with a sex therapist which would provide you with support and an individualised treatment program. If you wish to pursue this, speak to your GP or call the SASHA Helpline (0860 100 262 - leave a message) for names of suitable professionals closest to you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010-01-26

It sounds like you are experiencing a condition known as vaginismus, however, it might be worth just having a physical examination by either a gynae or a GP specialising in women's health just to make sure that there are no physical reasons for this. The most likely reason, however, is vaginismus.

Vaginismus is rarely spoken about, but is not that uncommon - sex therapists work with many women with this condition and it is very treatable! Vaginismus is the involuntary spasm of the muscles at the entrance to the vagina. The reasons for this are varied, but mostly due to a fear of pain on penetration. The treatment involves identifying and resolving those fears, and then gradually learning to relax the muscles in your vagina - first accommodating your small finger, then your ring finger, then your middle finger, then two fingers, etc. This is best done with your fingers so that you are in control of the penetration. You then gradually work towards being able to contain your boyfriend's penis.

I hate to be a party pooper, but I wouldn't get your hopes up about being ready to have penetrative sex next month - but if you begin this work immediately you could make great progress. Explain the situation to your boyfriend; there are MANY things you can do to still be sexually intimate and to excite each other...in the mean time, get a clear diagnosis first. If indeed it is vaginismus, you could begin trying the desensitisation program. There is one available online, I believe. Go to www.vaginismus.com

Alternatively, you could consider consulting face to face with a sex therapist which would provide you with support and an individualised treatment program. If you wish to pursue this, speak to your GP or call the SASHA Helpline (0860 100 262 - leave a message) for names of suitable professionals closest to you.

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: bokzen | 2010-01-25

It is a sickness called vaginismus.you need to see a gynae.I doubt if you will ever get help.It is really difficult.good luck

Reply to bokzen
Posted by: renier | 2010-01-25

hi i have the same problem with my girl 5years and i cant put my penis in. if you find something that works for you please come and post it . good luck

Reply to renier
Posted by: Sipho Dube | 2010-01-23

google " vaginismus" 

Reply to Sipho Dube

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