advertisement
Question
Posted by: Tremaine | 2012/03/19

To those who posted re infidelity concerns (Wayne etc)

Please DO ignore the feelings you have for these other people - don''t give your emotions room to develop and play out. If u must avoid talking to or seeing them, do so. Remember Joseph in the Bible? Rather than test his resistance, he just ran.

I have had several affairs in my lifetime, lasting anything from one month to ten years. The last one is the ten year one and ended just a month back. Each has left me more broken, wretched, gnarled and warped than the previous one. I am a 38yr old woman, never been married. Never been able to trust a man will care about me hence have always gone for men who are not required to care - happily married men.

Being the other woman has left me a shadow of a human being, all I am iis a shell now. And it is too late to find anything vaguely resembling a proper relationship, simply bcz I have no concept of what that is. Since age 21 when I started, I know what it is to sleep with another woman''s man and daydream about him and miss him and in two cases, love him. Outside of them I have no concept of relating to men.

Do not have affairs, either as the married or unmarried person. Something dies in you forever, in my case my love for myself. There is nothing left but a toxic sort of shame - looking in the mirror is hard for me.

Do not have affairs. There is always a horrible price to pay, even when no one ever finds out. I don''t know what price the married individual pays, if any. They have their cake and eat it as they get affection at home and affection away from home. I speak more for those who are unmarried and contemplating getting involved with a married person. There is nothing but an inner death afterwards. To married people, I say pls stay away from single people. When you go back to your happy homes and hug and kiss yr wives and kids, you leave that single person in a place of hell afterwards - even if they never confess it. They in fact specifically don''t confess it otherwise you won''t come back. I am not saying you are solely to blame, as the single people are sometimes the seducers. I am saying there are few things as miserable from any possible angle, as affairs.

38, emotionally crippled and no hope. I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Thank you for your comments, which should be read and considered by anyone who ever thinks of having an affair with a married person. Your reactions are not rare

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

8
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2012/03/20

To Me too, well said. May your mate cross your path soon.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Me too | 2012/03/20

I agree with everyone. I also know very well that it''s only about SEX coz he is HAPPILY married. That''s why I insist that the only choice there is, is to ignore it and NEVER act on it. I respect myself enough to stand and refuse to be the other woman. And I respect the sanctity of marriage. So, yes - the consequences outweigh the thrill...

And to the single women out there - let us not kidd ourselves, they will NEVER leave their wives...

Reply to Me too
Posted by: Realist | 2012/03/20

Sorry. My reply above should have been addeessed to Tremaine and not Wayne.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Realist | 2012/03/20

Wayne. It takes guts and a whole lot of self refection to say what you have said and you don''t need anyone to point out your shortcomings. I hope that what you have said sinks in with those who contemplate infidelity.
\
A sad thing is that whatever one does or says and has regrets thereafter, one can never take back what has been done or said and that stays with you forever. Nevertheless, well done.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Romany | 2012/03/20

To Tremaine. I read your post and I struggle to find sympathy in my heart for you..... I was on the " receiving " side of a single woman thinking she could steal my husband....
You know, if single women will just realise that they are only a " piece on the side" , a FREE Prostitute, so to speak. And that a man will never leave his family for a women that has so little self respect, that she will have sex with a married man...... sound twisted hey?
And then to Me too and Wayne........ I, like most women, too had married men coming on to me when I was younger and single.... this is no big deal, believe me. It is all about sex.
Then, remember always this one thing..... " The wheel turns" . What you do to others WILL without a doubt come back to you, and not in a good way. You deserve it after all....
If you are so in love with theses people that you are working with and you believe in your heart and mind that you are meant to be together, the do it the correct way... get a divorce and get together.
The partner DOES NOT deserve to be cheated on, however, a divorce will give that partner an opportunity to find someone to love and be fauthfull to him/her.
I believe NOBODY deserves to be cheated on and I believe ö ffice romance" is about two words only. LUST and SEX.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Me too | 2012/03/20

Wayne, I know exactly what you are talking about. I also have feelings for a married man and he has told me that he feels the same. We decided that we will not go there - we will just stay as friends. But who are we kidding. We have been " friends"  for over a year. After a year of doing nothing - last week we kissed....After a whole year. But we have decided (AGAIN) that we must remain just friends and not pursue anything more.

It is very very hard - but it has to be ignored. There is just no other choice. The consequences are not worth it.

Reply to Me too
Posted by: Wayne | 2012/03/19

Dear Tremaine

I hear what you are saying but its so hard to ignore these thoughts. Sometimes i just want to grab her and kiss her. I have fairly good self-esteem so will try to cope, or follws cyberdocs advice or run away like Joseph.

Thank you for sharing your life experience. I think you are a good person for having discovered your shortcomings and now that you are aware you will be capable of having a better life.

Reply to Wayne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/19

Thank you for your comments, which should be read and considered by anyone who ever thinks of having an affair with a married person. Your reactions are not rare

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement