Posted by: Swinger | 2008-12-17

To swing or not to swing

Hi there

My fiance and I recently decided to join a swingers club. It was the most awesome experience ever. We went to all the parties / socials for about 3 months and had a really good time. Our relationship greatly improved, we communicated more, we spent more time together - everything was great. The excitement that we were sharing something only between the two of us was so great.

Then we hit a speed bump. There was a misscommunication and jealousy set it. We sorted it out and decided to take a step back and leave the lifestyle for a while. We both agreed that this would be best and there were no hard feelings between us and no regrets either.

The problem is that since we have left the lifestyle, our sex life has gone backwards, we dont make time to discuss things anymore, the excitement is gone.

Please give me your advice on how to rectify the problem...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu've run into a pretty inevitable phase of "swinging", which most of its proponents try to ignore. You cannot express your special love for one person, by hectically sharing physical love with multiple other people. That's like expressing your sobriety by getting drunk as often as possible, with as many different types of booze as you can find.
But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean by swinging. When you write of " The excitement that we were sharing something only between the two of us " doesn't make any sort of sense. Sharing sex with other people "only between the two of us " ?
Jealousy is inevitable in such situations. And why should swinging solve the problem of you both neglecting to "take time to communicate" any more --- sit right down, right now, and communicate --- why do other people have to get involved for the pair fo you to communicate with each other ? Rather see a marriage counsellor and work on what sounds like a severely disordered relationship that could probably be put right. Swinging was merely a distraction that enabled you to fool yourselves that things were improved.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ? | 2008-12-18

Damn...that' s bad. I don' t understand how anyone can think that swinging can enhance a relationship. Jealousy has been one of man' s worst, but most evident, characteristics. That' s what has made Shakespeare novels so timeless. It' s a trait which humans cannot ignore. Everyone feels jealous to see their loved one cheat on them, or enjoy sex with another man/woman.

Don' t fool yourselves by thinking you' re different.

Reply to ?
Posted by: Anon-a-mous for this one | 2008-12-17

We did the same. Needless to say the same happened. Then I wanted (and him also i just did not know it) sex. So I contacted one of the male partners - met for a drink and we started having great sex and an affair. Then later I found out my husband had done the same.

Needless to say it ended our marriage of 11 years.

Reply to Anon-a-mous for this one

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