advertisement
Question
Posted by: Sharon | 2012/01/12

To leave or stay

I really really do not know what to do for the best. I have been in a relationship with my fiance(sometimes my fiance!) for 4 years now. It has been a very difficult relationship with many many problems. We continually break it off then get back together. I have lost count of the number of times this has happened. I am at the stage now where I need to make a final decision of whether to leave for good or stay. I am 47 and I think I am scared of being on my own again and of perhaps not meeting someone more suited to myself. When I decide that I am going to end it then I start having doubts about whether or not that is the right thing. But when I decide to stay I get the strong feeling that I am making a mistake. So I am very confused as to what to do. Obviously if the relationship was good the decision would be easy but I wonder at my age if I should stay and continue with the problems or run for it. I have done the whole pros and cons thing but it hasnt helped. I just cant seem to make a decision without sticking to it or doubting whether Ive made the right one. I cant keep doubting myself and my decisions anymore

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How good are the reasons for which you break it of ? And how good are the reasons for getting back together again ? Is there actual consistent pleasure in the relationship itself, or is it driven mainly by a fear of being alone ? Why not see a good psychotherapist or counsellor to work towards better understanding all this and making a more informed and wise decision ?
Maybe that, as a first stage, would be best, for you to understand what you actually want and need. Then, if it seems continuing the relationship would be wise, consider the pair of you entering relationship counselling to see if it can be worked out.
"Truth" is wrong - it is usually far better to be on one's own and ( with counselling if needed ) contentedly so, than in a miserable relationship.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Truth | 2012/01/14

I was not telling her to stay but to go......
Please read my post again!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/14

How good are the reasons for which you break it of ? And how good are the reasons for getting back together again ? Is there actual consistent pleasure in the relationship itself, or is it driven mainly by a fear of being alone ? Why not see a good psychotherapist or counsellor to work towards better understanding all this and making a more informed and wise decision ?
Maybe that, as a first stage, would be best, for you to understand what you actually want and need. Then, if it seems continuing the relationship would be wise, consider the pair of you entering relationship counselling to see if it can be worked out.
"Truth" is wrong - it is usually far better to be on one's own and ( with counselling if needed ) contentedly so, than in a miserable relationship.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Caro | 2012/01/12

With the right personality it would not be dofficult to find someone at any age. Believe me it would be better to be able to do hyour own thing and be content with a cat or dog and prospects of meeting someone else than in a miserable relationship with a person who is not compatibale with you. Count the hours in a day, the days in the week and decide whether the happy moments with this man outweigh the unhappy moments. Use a paper and pen and write things down. This will give you a better idea of the reality of the relationship.
All the best.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Truth | 2012/01/12

As you are so old it would probably be best to stay .After all an unsatisfactorty, unfulfilling not commited partner is better than being on your own for the next 30 years.

Now read again .................... is that what u r thinking?

30 years s a long time, have some self respect and leave!
Get into theraphy - u r old enough to know better.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Maria | 2012/01/12

After 4 years it seems unlikely that the situation will change spontaneously. If you want things to be different then one or both of you will have to behave differently. If you really want to save this relationship, could you go for counselling together?

I don''t think that it''s better to stay in a bad relationship than to be on your own. You are in a very uncomfortable and unhappy " comfort zone" . Would it not be better to deal with the temporary discomfort of learning how to be on your own, and changing your life, than to stay in the kind-of-permanent situation you''re in?

Reply to Maria

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement