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Question
Posted by: Lu | 2009-09-29

To end it now or wait?

My Fiance recently changed.
She became very restless at night. Constantly kicking her legs and throwing her arms around. Very irritbale, always ready to snap at the slightest thing. She started working late more often. She never worked late, she is a hairdresser, they dont really have a crisis at the office. The 1st thing she did on those evenings when working late was rush to the shower.

Then when we go out, she would ignore me when we are with other people. Not look at me once when i talk and basicly pretend i am not even there. She also started withdrawing from my family. She always declines when we are invited for dinner with my parents or a braai etc.

So i started thinking she might be cheating but never said a word. I am convinced she did have something going with someone else... but the last week she went back to being her old self. Except, she still cannot sleep next to me, she pulls so far away i am suprised she hasnt fallen out of bed in her effort to keep the distance between us.

Do not know if it is my own insecurities but the above did happen so it is very confusing. If i ask her if she did cheat, then she wont tell the truth or at least i cannot believe her. Hmmm

How can i work past this nagging sensation that she is or was unfaithful

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, if she hasn't been cheating on you, she has been behaving oddly and it's hard to think of a different explanation. But only in discussion with her can you find out more. Try not to make it a confrontation or a single question, but talk about how peculiarly she has been behaving, and how you don't see any other explanation, but want to be able to understand her.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cc | 2009-10-02

Maybe she is telling the truth! Maybe she just wants out and dont know how to tell you!

Reply to cc
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-09-30

Yip Bella sounds right, dump that no good women.
She is or has cheated on you before.
There' s no reason for her to be treating you this way at all.
If this is the way she can now imagine what being married to her will be like.
Do you want an unhappy marriage?

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Bella | 2009-09-30

Listen Lu,

She' s cheating on you, those are classic signs. Please don' t take this, dump her. If you carry on with this relationship she' s gonna hurt you much more than what she' s doing now.

And yeah, she will give you reasons for her behaviour, and they will make perfect sense, but remember, people who cheat are sly, caniving people and very clever when it comes to lying and covering up, they' re practised in this. Don' t believe those reasons. NOTHING else will make her act like this. If you love someone, even the worst job, worst sickness, worst financial trouble, won' t make you act like this towards the person your about to marry!

Reply to Bella
Posted by: Lu | 2009-09-30

We talked last night and she gave a reason for each specific thing that made me think she is cheating. Convincing reasons.

But then this morning, all of a sudden she would ignore me flat. Tried kissing her, she pushed me away. So i try to talk she closes her eyes and pretends im not there.

Guess i have to do what i have to do. No point in keeping up with this game.

Reply to Lu
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-09-29

Yea, Jason is spot on. Once a woman starts that " don' t touch me"  routine and not addressing you or paying attention to you, its time to move on buddy. You have sensed quite correctly that you are not the focus of her attention and to be frank, it would seem as if you are an annoyance to her. You sound like a great caring person. Why punish yourself and lose your self respect? Tell her to take a hike. Don' t even think marriage, THEN you are going to find yourself in a whole lot of trouble. She is not going to a change. Leave her and do it sooner than later.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Jason | 2009-09-29

Be grateful you found this out now, rather than when you are married.

End it.

Now.

Reply to Jason
Posted by: Lu | 2009-09-29

I do not think it is possible to not make this seem like a confrontation.
I mean, i will be pointing out all the wierd things she did, constantly pointing a finger at her. It will seem like a confrontation for sure.

One thing is for sure, i tried bringing this up in the past and truth is i did tell her once i think she is cheating on me just a few days ago to be honest. She cried and said how she cannot believe i would think things like this. She has this ability to quickly convince me while i am with her, but the moment we are seperate i start thinking about these things again

Reply to Lu
Posted by: almost mad | 2009-09-29

Just come out and say it. " I know you cheated on me"  . Its better than letting her make afool of you my friend. her reaction should tell you everything.

Reply to almost mad

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