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Question
Posted by: Sad | 2010/04/28

To CS: Re post 1222

He used to be very sympathetic and caring, but somehow it changed. So its not that he doesn''''t know how to show sympathy. He is an excellent father though, who is very involved. Sometimes a bit tough on our eldest, but generally just fine.

He did feel that the counselling helped, but he says it ridiculous to have to go for counseling after only 6 years of marriage. We''''ve been together for 11 years though. He doesn''''t like me revealing all the hurtfull and heartless things that he says and does to a stranger (the counsellor). I ofcourse also have my share of things that I do wrong, but I am not abusive. The verbal and emotional abuse started during my first pregnancy in 2005. So its been going on for quite a while. We went for counciling till Dec last year.

I am considering a trial separation...but what will that do to the kids?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK. A very important aspect of many questions, is : Has he always been like this, but lately you find it harder to accept ? OR is this s significant and recent CHANGE in how he is ? And apparently, from your reply, it's the latter in the situation you describe.
I har his answer to the counseling issue, but there's no time limit on needs - that's like saying, " Don't bother to call the fire brigade, the house has only been burning for 10 minutes. "
I'm sure its more his fear of what you might disclose that inhibits him - like the kid who's worried about the fire, but doesn't want to admit he was playing with matches.
As for effects on the kids, obviousl; that can't be exactly prophecied, but generally they do better with a loving parent in a situation which minimizes the obvious conflict between the parents. Just staying together miserably is no benefit to them

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/28

OK. A very important aspect of many questions, is : Has he always been like this, but lately you find it harder to accept ? OR is this s significant and recent CHANGE in how he is ? And apparently, from your reply, it's the latter in the situation you describe.
I har his answer to the counseling issue, but there's no time limit on needs - that's like saying, " Don't bother to call the fire brigade, the house has only been burning for 10 minutes. "
I'm sure its more his fear of what you might disclose that inhibits him - like the kid who's worried about the fire, but doesn't want to admit he was playing with matches.
As for effects on the kids, obviousl; that can't be exactly prophecied, but generally they do better with a loving parent in a situation which minimizes the obvious conflict between the parents. Just staying together miserably is no benefit to them

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