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Posted by: Divorced = Societal Condemnation | 2008/07/14

To CANDY re POST #1635

Candy,
There you have it, the negative side of it. I can't help but to note that you have referred to "DOVORCED MEN", so the issues is not just about a specific concern you have with your current boyfriend (who happens to be a divorcee from his past life) but it is with "DIVORCED MEN"...mmmmmhhh interesting.

I just want to say to you that, as a divorced man, i am also shocked at what the previous posters (I think, X-stepmother, and V) as I am a newly divorced father (since Sept 2006). As CS has said it, maybe circumstances are different. my children (2: boy and girl) stay with their mother, my girlfriend has her two daughters. Even when they visit me, my girlfriend and i have our own time together as well as with children.

So things are still working out fairly well on my side. Maybe will change in the future.

My one other point I wanted to raise is from a book: Conversations With God (Book One, p16) and it reads as follows: "....And so it is that in the moment you pledge your highest love, you greet your greatest fear. For the first thing you worry about after saying "I love you" is whether you'll hear it back. And if you hear it back, then you gebin immediately to worry that the love you have just found, you will lose. And so all action becomes reaction - defense against loss - even as you seek to defend yourself against loss of God. Yet if you (CANDY) knew who you are - that you are the most magnificent, the most remarkable, the most splendid being God has ever created - you would never FEAR." (my emphassis and addition of your name)

So Candy says to us that "i like him alot and he is very decent kind and respectfull towards me..... I DONT KNOW WHATS GONNA happend in the future, but im scared to commit or get seriouse " (again my emphasis).

That CANDY "the first thing you worry about after saying "I love you" ".... I think that as much as society has always labelled us Divorced people (divorcee) and judged us as if we are rejects, failures, second-hands, scraps and so on, even you unmarried and undivorced people have FEARS you do not deal with rather shift the blame to the already labelled (the "divorced" or "divorcees"). To me, from where I stand, it sounds a bit unfair and harsh. Candice, I would suggest some counselling of some sort to determine what the fears are that you habour too.

What about if the person was unmarried and had 2 or 20 failed relationships that ended up in break-ups? Is he or she labelled a breakee or a break-upee? They are alright and acceptable but he or she who had a discontinued marriage? Unfair.

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Our expert says:
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Excellent points, including that about the value of distinguishing a breakee from a break-upee.

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