Posted by: Bee | 2008-11-04

To all married woman out there....


I have been married for two months now. I must say that what gets me really down is the fact that my work does not stop when I leave the office at 5pm. Then its cooking, and o my word, the decision what to cook every night cause you don' t want hubyy to get bored with meals. Then washing a load and folding up load on washing line, wasking dishes etc.

He offers to help, but then I really sometimes feel that I want to do it all, cause at the end of the day, is it not our damn jobs? Damn our great grandmothers for spoiling men like that and setting the trend.

I' m just tired and then we don' t even have children yet!

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Our expert says:
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That's not marriage, that's servitude

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Our users say:
Posted by: Emma | 2008-11-04

How is this one for the record. I was married to a man who did not work at all due to a disability. I work 8 to 5. He was at home all day. He did not do any housework, except the shopping and cooking (only because he did not like my cooking). If I did not do the rest of the house work he abused me...... Need less to say I will never live with a man ever again!

Reply to Emma
Posted by: Latti | 2008-11-04

Hee didn' t know that i' m not the only one.
What got me out was my approach of doing what i can.
If he doesn' t want to do the dishes i' ll leave them there till i have time, i sometimes leave the office at 7pm, if he didn' t prepare anything i go straight to bed.

Reply to Latti
Posted by: Just M | 2008-11-04

I' ve trained my husband well.... :)

We share all responsibilities in the house  cleaning, washing, ironing and finances.
His mother used to spoil him rotten, but I managed to beat that out of him...just kidding! But seriously, it took a lot of talking and fighting, but we' re sorted now and take turns doing the chores.

Reply to Just M
Posted by: EL | 2008-11-04

If he offers to help, let him help! It' s only our job when we are housewives! When we work the same hours as them then it' s their jobs too!

Reply to EL
Posted by: Smee | 2008-11-04

GOOD FOR YOU, ME!!! I also realised, very short into my even shorter marriage, what my priorities are. Washing, ironing and folding just aint one of them!!! Cuddling, loving my child, and spending time with her IS!
Hubby couldn' t cut it, so I cut him  ) It' s important to remember that the kids grow up WAAAY to fast, and that the washing/dishes/whatever can WAIT!

Reply to Smee
Posted by: Me | 2008-11-04

I also tried to be superwoman when i was in my first few months of marriage, and I pulled it off, but felt like a martyr and a maid insteadof superwoman after it all. When my baby was born, I decided to focus my energy on raising my child instead of running atround trying to make the house look perfect all day long, my husband now does his own washing, he irons his own clothes, he helps me wash dishes most nights, and he also cooks about 3 times in the week,he bathes our son in the evenings and dresses him in the morning, and I think its only fair, I do everything else in the house and anything ellse that concerns my son, we are both tired, we bot work, so each must bring his part

Reply to Me
Posted by: anon | 2008-11-04

been married for 12 years, work full day, have three kids, one of which has a disability, sit in traffic at least 2 hours per day, hubby' s at work from 6h30 - 18h30, as you say what to cook?? good question!! My streenth comes from above!!! without it I will not survive!! power to all the ladies!!

Reply to anon
Posted by: CK | 2008-11-04

Girl, I have been married for 8 months I work 8 hrs, tuck in traffic, cooking, dishes, washing my child, ironing &  I have to satisfy his needs. We stay close to his work place he comes home early and he just sleep and does nothing.
Then i decide no that is enough i can'  t go on like that and i told him i need his help, Do you know what he told me "  I’  M LAZY"  Do you know what I did I’  ve stop Ironing his clothes &  washing my child cause he is the one that takes him to crè  che, so in the morning he has to wake up and do all of that. Until he told me Okay he will help me by bathing the child and Ironing the clothes, so in that way we are all happy. It’  s all about sharing responsibility talk to him.

Reply to CK
Posted by: ? | 2008-11-04

Damn...I am so with you! I also hate the part of having to think about what to cook!!! Drives me insane!

Reply to ?
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2008-11-04

Hi there,
I was married once, a very long time ago and since then basically been alone, except for the 2 men who helped father my children. I sometimes wish I just had someone to share things with, someone to do the gardening, wash the car, take out the rubbish, braai and all those other little things us ladies also take for granted. Not all men are lazy.
My ex-husband was a nightmare, I could do nothing right in his eyes, couldn' t cook, clean, watch TV, etc. thus a very short marriage. I eventually did nothing, wrinkled his clothes on purpose, if he left his clothes on the floor and complained I emptied out the whole cupboard, the complaints soon stopped but it was too late for us and I use to love cooking, still to today, almost 18 years later I am struggling to cook and leave it over to whomever is willing and able but sometimes have to force myself and am getting the knack back. As for ironing, there' s a tumble drier and if you flatten the clothes when wet, there isn' t much ironing left.
Good luck to you and hang in there and share with hubby, if he wants to help, let him, especially while you are still in the start of your marriage.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Ruby | 2008-11-04

Hey there,
Should you not consider getting a domestic to help... maybe cut on other expenses and get some help in? And a dishwasher? A dishwasher is not expensive and will save you HOURS...
This way you can both relax after work... When you dont feel like cooking try some pre-cooked meals... Also think it really helps if you tell hubby when you are tired and dont have energy for cooking. I love cooking, but when I am tired and dont have energy, I just tell him, then we get take outs, or pre-cook meals or we go out for dinner or he cooks... But if I dont tell him, he wont know and just assume I want to do it :-) All the best! R

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: SR | 2008-11-04

The expectations around the role of the working wife in modern day society is scewed and brings to mind the age old debate of what the role should be

I think that if both are bringing home a pay cheque responsibilities and nurtering in the home should be split

Time and time again it has pissed off many a woman and made the man lazy .... and is one of the many contributors to the breakdown in the relationship and ultimately the marriage

Reply to SR
Posted by: Me too | 2008-11-04

Same thing here. I don' t want to depress you, but it' s not getting better ok. Wait for the children......... I have 2, one baby (2yrs old), one teenager (14yrs old). So girl........ It' s baby problems, teenage problems....... husband problems........ work problems...... OK let me stop now, coz this list is endless..............

Reply to Me too
Posted by: Vegan | 2008-11-04

I agree, that' s servitude. Any man that I end up marrying can kiss my behind if he thinks I' ll be doing all the cooking and housework. He won' t be around for very long. Marriage should be a partnership in all respects.

Reply to Vegan
Posted by: ME | 2008-11-04

At least you don' t have any kids yet gal. Have a one year old, am pregnant again, am working and I have to travel everyday to work with public transport. After work, have to cook, iron for me and hubby, and sometimes I have to wake up maybe four times at night wher the baby' s not feeling well.
Its so strenuous gal, trust me. And yesterday I was soooooooo tired, but I had to cook, he heee!, I ended up crying and i couldn' t explain to hubby why I was crying. Sometimes he offered to iron, but he' s lazy, he' ll iron in the morning and we will be late for work............bla bla

Reply to ME

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