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Question
Posted by: SadWife | 2011/01/24

Tired on initiating sex

I''m sick and tired of initiating sex all the time. I know he might be stressed or whatever but it''s been like this for YEARS now. I start then it''s like what he wanted to do all along. Compared to what I hear from other women I think my sex drive is relatively low but husband''s seems to be non- existent. I''ve told him to get himself checked by a doctor but he says there is nothing wrong with him. It''s always like I wasn''t sure you were up to it,I heard you saying x and assumed you mean you are not up to it...blah blah blah. I''m just tired of the whole thing, it feels like he is not attracted to me or something.

Our marriage is otherwise good - no incidents of cheating, Warm family setup etc.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're right - there are many reasons, including stress, whichm may impact on the quality of one person's ability to engage fully and enthusiastically in sex. But if it has never been any better than this, he may have hangups about sex, or maybe he's simply unskilled and unimginative in this aspect of life. Similarly, many different facotrs may reduce one's libido, but his never seems to have been particularly high.
Man ( indead women too ) with any kind of sexual problem tend to insist that there's nothing wrong with them and are reluctant to see a doc or shrink. From your description it sounds as though this is really not about him not being attracted to YOU, but something much more broad.
Marriage counselling would be a good way to start, to see this isue in contect and help him to see it as a real but remediable problem

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sad Husband | 2011/01/24

Sorry the last posting was by me and not Sad Wife.

Reply to Sad Husband
Posted by: SadWife | 2011/01/24

No i wont cheat and i agree it is not fair to the other party. I meant just chat that is all - but it is ok i understand.

Reply to SadWife
Posted by: SadWife | 2011/01/24

It''s better to just leave it and focus on other things in your life. Don''t even consider cheating. It''s really not an option. It''s not fair on the 3rd person and you''d probably feel guilty for the rest of your life.

Reply to SadWife
Posted by: Sad Husband | 2011/01/24

Why would you say" maybe he is getting bored" ?

Reply to Sad Husband
Posted by: Sad Husband | 2011/01/24

SadWife it would be really nice for us to keep in contact since we are going through the same issuses.

Reply to Sad Husband
Posted by: Sad Husband | 2011/01/24

Thanks for your reply. Wish i was like you and just leave it .

Reply to Sad Husband
Posted by: SadWife | 2011/01/24

I''ve got a lot of things I can focus on and kind of forget about that part of my life. I''m 35 he is 36. Married 9 years. Maybe he is getting bored. bottom line I''m tired of cracking my head trying to figure him out. I ''ve raised it as a concern several times. This is where I leave it.

Reply to SadWife
Posted by: Sad Husband | 2011/01/24

I agree. Wow how you you get or will get your needs satisified? How old are you and your husband and for how long are you married.

Reply to Sad Husband
Posted by: SadWife | 2011/01/24

It feels like the other party is fulfilling some sort of duty which takes away the spice out of the whole experience. I''d rather not do it -which is what I''ve resorted to do - leave it alone.

Reply to SadWife
Posted by: Sad Husband | 2011/01/24

I am exctaly in the same boat as you Sad Wife. I have nveer cheated but honestly i have needs and they have to be satisifed. When it does happen - its wham bam thank you mam - no forepaly, kissing ,touching, fondling etc.

Reply to Sad Husband
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/24

You're right - there are many reasons, including stress, whichm may impact on the quality of one person's ability to engage fully and enthusiastically in sex. But if it has never been any better than this, he may have hangups about sex, or maybe he's simply unskilled and unimginative in this aspect of life. Similarly, many different facotrs may reduce one's libido, but his never seems to have been particularly high.
Man ( indead women too ) with any kind of sexual problem tend to insist that there's nothing wrong with them and are reluctant to see a doc or shrink. From your description it sounds as though this is really not about him not being attracted to YOU, but something much more broad.
Marriage counselling would be a good way to start, to see this isue in contect and help him to see it as a real but remediable problem

Reply to cybershrink

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