advertisement
Question
Posted by: Tired | 2011/11/17

Tired of unstable husband

Hi Doc,

I wrote you 2 days ago about my husband hopping jobs &  being unable to care for himself, or us........
You asked me if there is a way that he can be on his own, to not rely on me.
I neglected to mention, that he has been on his own for the past year. I " kicked"  him out, hoping that he would somehow wake up &  grow up abit. a year later, he still is always broke. He is in his third job in 13 months, doesnt pay his bills with me.
He has 300 000 debt and nothing to show. last night I was told that he thought he would be able to pay it when he is on his own, but now he sees that he nees me to " control his spending" 

Is there any hope for a person like this? I believe his intentions are sincere, but he seems completely unable to " get it together" .

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe he needs legal advice to have someone take over his life as a sort of curator to control his spending ( which is useless unless he works hard to get income worth controlling ) He is of course still avoiding any form of personal responsibility for what he does. HE must control hi spending. Sincerity that is so entirely theoretical and not matches by sincere actions, is esentially worthless.
As Liza suggests, read up on Tough Love, which may be what he needs.
Stop accepting his feeble excuses ; maybe also read up on the unfortunate role of the "enabler" who inadvertently helps someone remain helpless, rather than pressing them to become self-sufficient.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: B | 2011/11/17

He should really go see someone ''professional''. The lifestyle he is leading may indicate an underllying problem, depression, anxiety etc. Once this is determined, and he gets help, medically and such, he may then move on up from there. Good luck

Reply to B
Posted by: Liza | 2011/11/17

Once he HAS ''gotten it together'' THEN there is hope for him. There is no hope if he expects YOU to control his spending. He has to learn how to control it himself. Otherwise he''ll always look to you to help him out of his own bad choices.

Tough love is the only thing that makes immature people grow up. Some people need to hit their head harder and more often than others to realize that they''re the only ones who can change themselves.

Good Luck
Liza

PS. It really sounds like you''re looking for excuses to take him back. Sincere intentions? The road to hell is paved with sincere intentions...

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/17

Maybe he needs legal advice to have someone take over his life as a sort of curator to control his spending ( which is useless unless he works hard to get income worth controlling ) He is of course still avoiding any form of personal responsibility for what he does. HE must control hi spending. Sincerity that is so entirely theoretical and not matches by sincere actions, is esentially worthless.
As Liza suggests, read up on Tough Love, which may be what he needs.
Stop accepting his feeble excuses ; maybe also read up on the unfortunate role of the "enabler" who inadvertently helps someone remain helpless, rather than pressing them to become self-sufficient.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement