advertisement
Question
Posted by: Nadine | 2008/07/17

TIRED OF IT ALL

Hi

I' m in a relationship that always seems to be taking 2 steps back. In the past, my boyfriend was physically and emotionally abusive - he' s only recently started taking therapy seriously although I get the feeling that he resents going because he feels that I forced him to go and constantly refers to me as being crazy because I was in therapy for a few years.

He quit his job (without discussing it first) - so now we in a situation where he expects me to bail him out financially (with no complaints) and then the next moment he tells me that he wants nothing from me and because I have a better paying job and am more educated than he is I think that I' m something special. He constantly contradicts everything he says and does. Tells me to stop visiting my mother and then two days later insists that I visit because " you haven' t seen her in a long time"  - its like I' m constantly dodging bullets in this relationship.

He' ll have screaming fits one minute because something doesn' t work and than accusing me of always messing up his things and then apologise for it only to do it again a few hours later.

We have a 14 month old son and he is present during all of this and has been a victim of the screaming fits (he fell over one day while his father was supposed to watch him, but was playing playstation instead and got blamed for falling).

I know that its time to cut him off, but how do I make him understand that without all the threats of taking my child away from me (which I' m afraid he' ll do one day) or him calling me a bad mother and a bad person (which he does whenever a split has been decided on) and at what age can I take my child for an emotional assessment?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its abusive in itself for him to call you crazy for pushing him, an abuser, into therapy. And why should he, an abuser, expect you to bail him out financially when HE has entirely created his inancial problems himself ? Why would you want to remain in a relationship with an abusive and childish man who makes things so difficult for you and your child ? It is not good for a child to grow up witnessing the abuse of his mother. Why do you need to worry about making him "understand" ? I don't see why any court would ever allow him to take the child away from you, even though he threatens to do this. Call POWA or some similar group advising abused women, to discuss your options carefully.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: koos | 2008/07/18

leave this sorry piece of human !you deserve way better!

Reply to koos
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/07/17

The abuse will not stop by itself - you will have to take action. To ensure your safety and to work towards your own happiness is not something unusual or unfair - it is your right as an individual. Believe in yourself, and if you don' t, get someone to support you. Every right you have comes with the power to execute it. You might need to be assisted to execute your rights.


People who make demands don' t seem to care how others feel. They think only of their own needs. " If you find it unpleasant to do what I want, tough! And if you refuse, I' ll make it even tougher,"  is what they seem to be saying.

call FAMSA 011 892 4272 OR 3 OR 6

Reply to Lolo

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement