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Question
Posted by: mgk | 2010/10/19

Tired, burned out and crying

I am tired....I am working full time in a managerial position with 12 team members, doing projects all day, I am also studying towards a masters degree for the past 3 years and have 2 pre-school children. A year ago I saw a physciatrist who diagnosed me as burned out - at that stage I also had the added concerns of my boy being sick from birth and was hospitalised at least once to twice monthly for in 2007 and 2008. Since then he has improved but still needs care and concetration to keep him healthy. Recently he has started to show behaviural problems at the creche and despite being much better and even after a positive evaluation from a occupational therapisty continue to ignore his school work and hurt other children,
My husband has decided I am definetly depressed and thinks medicine will fix everything. I am more than willing to accept that all the above can lead to depression but I am unsure that medication will add more hours to my day, manage 12 people, write a dissertation and look after my 2 children. I am also unser whether I fit the ture picture of depression as I understand true depression shows giving up and day to day tasks not being done anymore. There is not an option in my live not to do all the above anymore, so even if I try to be depressed and give up, who else will do it?
In our sessions with the psyciatrist a year ago, my husband stated he deifnetly does not know how to support me and he is sure he is not the kind of person to do so. My parents stay 12 hours drive away, and my sister 14.
Dr, please give me the solution of how to cope with all the above on my own - the single person fix.
Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So, you're doing around 3 full-time jobs ? It'd be a bit odd if you WEREN'T tired. This may sound initially like a rather unsympathetic response, but realistically, you may be trying to force more work into the time than there is time available.
But indeed, Depression sounds like a very real and understandable possibility. Drugs rarely fix everything, but properly selected and used, they may be very helpful as PART of the solution to many problems. Can't your husband play more of a role in caring for the children, and perhaps in other ways taking more of the load of household chores which are probably your 4th fulltime job ?
Could you negotiate a later completon date for the dissertation, to reduce the pace of that workload ?
Managing is wearying, too - but shouldn't the team of 12 be developing to the point of being able to carry more of the load, accept delegation of tasks from you, and need less supervision and assistance ? Don't start by insisting that nothibng in your workload can be changed - it is always possible to improve the work management and resultant load. What's the point of insisting on driving yourself to the point of collapse ?
"True depression" MAY include giving up or failing in one's tasks, but is not compulsorily so. It more often includes a temptation to give up, balanced by a determination not to do so, and increased effort being required to get all the tasks done.
Its not acceptable for your husband to declare himself a no-go zone as regards support - any human being with an average number of limbs and average intelligence, could and should be helpful in this situation.
Sounds rather as though your psychiatrist also gave up, or as though you withdrew from him/her rather than continuing to work towards a solution.
Maybe a business-like CBT therapist could help you get reorganized and to rejuvenate yourself and handle all this better

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: &  | 2010/10/19

two things.

1) Know your limits

2) Your husband needs to understand you need his help.

Reply to &amp 
Posted by: Unique | 2010/10/19

What about switching to a less demanding job.

What about hiring a helper

You don''t HAVE to complete a you masters, you can put it on hold till you children are bigger.

And your husband should help.

Reply to Unique
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/19

So, you're doing around 3 full-time jobs ? It'd be a bit odd if you WEREN'T tired. This may sound initially like a rather unsympathetic response, but realistically, you may be trying to force more work into the time than there is time available.
But indeed, Depression sounds like a very real and understandable possibility. Drugs rarely fix everything, but properly selected and used, they may be very helpful as PART of the solution to many problems. Can't your husband play more of a role in caring for the children, and perhaps in other ways taking more of the load of household chores which are probably your 4th fulltime job ?
Could you negotiate a later completon date for the dissertation, to reduce the pace of that workload ?
Managing is wearying, too - but shouldn't the team of 12 be developing to the point of being able to carry more of the load, accept delegation of tasks from you, and need less supervision and assistance ? Don't start by insisting that nothibng in your workload can be changed - it is always possible to improve the work management and resultant load. What's the point of insisting on driving yourself to the point of collapse ?
"True depression" MAY include giving up or failing in one's tasks, but is not compulsorily so. It more often includes a temptation to give up, balanced by a determination not to do so, and increased effort being required to get all the tasks done.
Its not acceptable for your husband to declare himself a no-go zone as regards support - any human being with an average number of limbs and average intelligence, could and should be helpful in this situation.
Sounds rather as though your psychiatrist also gave up, or as though you withdrew from him/her rather than continuing to work towards a solution.
Maybe a business-like CBT therapist could help you get reorganized and to rejuvenate yourself and handle all this better

Reply to cybershrink

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