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Question
Posted by: Peter | 2009-02-02

Time it takes to get over it?

Hi,

Just a question for the Cyber Expert please?

Ive been seperated for 2 months now, court date hopefully Feb or March. No kids, no traumatic divorce. We both decided to part ways after 9 years as we were incompatible. (no affairs either)

Im still hurting,feeling emotional and grieving for what it could have been.

Is it unrealistic to think that I could be over this and moving on as normal within 2-3 months? Or do I have to stick this out for quite a while longer? Im reading divorce books, chatting to people and really making an effort, but my pain is still there.

Can one assume that my ex is feeing pretty much the same, loss, grief, even if she wanted out as well?

Pls advise me. Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Peter,

thank you for your post.
A divorce/separation is always traumatic for both parties concerned. Even if, like you, the parting was agreed mutually, there is nonetheless a loss which needs to be mourned.
Don't be hard on yourself. Even if you were incompatible, 9 years is quite a long time spent together which had it's share of good moments. This is what is feeding the "what could have been".
It's important to be appreciative of those good memories. There is no need to dismiss them but don't hang to them in a way that doesn't allow you to move forward.
This is not a break up point in your life but a change of direction.
Take time to feel your feelings but recognise that you are the creator of your life.

Do speak your feelings, accept what is and make decisions about your future.

I have posted a separate post on Successful Strategies for coping with Divorce.

Warmest regards

Nadia

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-24

My husband and i have constant problems. They mostly stem from his mum. She is always involving herself in our issues. We live in Jhb and she in Dbn but this is not far enough. She was divorced and raised her three sons he is the youngest. She feels as though they all owe her for this. We had an argument and she even told me none of her sons wives are good enough for them. Their was once an sms on my husbands phone telling his mother that he can phone a certain lady because i was there and that person is crying. This sms was found shortly after having our fist child, i confronted her and she said she will cover up for her son as long as she lived. He used to physically abuse me but now it is reduced to threats and verbal,emotional abuse. His mother even uses the Bible and circles texts for him where i am supposed to be degraded and her status elevated in his life, I feel hurt, i have also said things back. i dont know what i should do. this has been happeneing for 9 (abuse)years we have been married for 6. She tells her sons to leave their wives the children will come back to them.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Peter | 2009-02-03

Thank you Nadia, Much appreciated!

Regards
Peter

Reply to Peter

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