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Question
Posted by: owl | 2009/11/16

Tightness

My BF is not big but he likes anal and I try relax but I don' t enjoy it, I used to drink and it wasn' t as bad but now I' ve given up alcohol and the feeling is very unpleasant.
But I figure he is smaller so maybe he needs the tightness of anal as maybe I' m not tight enough for him front.
How do I tell him? I don' t want him to feel bad.
OR is there something I can do to make it not hurt / be so uncomfortable.

ALSO, he takes AGES to cum. There is no such thing as a quickie and sometimes it really gets a bit much. I cannot handle up to 45 mins sessions EACH time. So I find I' m not doing it as often. Otherwise he is amazing, no complaints, but geez I sometimes find myself almost crying, he just will not cum.

Help. I really like him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

You raise a number of issues. When it comes to enjoyment of different kinds of sex, it is important to recognise that each person is different. Like food – people enjoy some types more than others. Using alcohol or drugs to desensitise yourself during sex is counterproductive. Honest discussion needs to happen. Pretending all is well when it isn’t builds resentment and can negatively affect sexual relationships. Start by affirming him as a person then say you would like to explore ways to make sex great for both of you. Extended anal (or vaginal) sex can cause irritation of the mucous membrane and pain. Tightness can be simulated with firm masturbation or mouth stimulation (oral sex). Anal sex can be made more comfortable by using a lot of lubrication and being fully relaxed. Delayed ejaculation may relate to anxiety and an inability to ‘let go’ (release). I suggest you delay penetration until just before climax. Vibrators may be helpful – some can be inserted into the vagina followed by penis penetration. The vibrator will give the extra stimulation which may help ejaculation. Some relationship exercises are available on the SA Sexual Health Association website. Expert opinions are provided by the SA Sexual Health Association: www.sexualhealth.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Lucky Guy | 2009/11/16

Anal is really great BUT it is essential that the " receiver"  is willing and happy about it, If not its a no go. I' m sure he enjoys the tightness but if its no fun for you just tell him straight out and let him go back to the front entrance. You cannot go on having him going at it for that length of time as he can injure you and then you will be in for an uncomfortable time with piles etc. Really, just terll him NO

Reply to Lucky Guy
Posted by: Lucky Guy | 2009/11/16

Anal is really great BUT it is essential that the " receiver"  is willing and happy about it, If not its a no go. I' m sure he enjoys the tightness but if its no fun for you just tell him straight out and let him go back to the front entrance. You cannot go on having him going at it for that length of time as he can injure you and then you will be in for an uncomfortable time with piles etc. Really, just terll him NO

Reply to Lucky Guy
Posted by: nn | 2009/11/16

Hi! I am a guy. My sexual behaviour was like your bf. My wife has now changed for both of our need. I used to be doing all the work. But now we do it together. Start when you both are ready. Tease each other. I am attracted to wife when she dresses well and not slap dash when its bedtime. We all know when its bedtime and its gonna happen but do it with feeling and have the timing right. Ocassionally have dinner together with sexy clothes- a romantic one. Just make sure u give a break and not every day . I can go on and hope I did not bore u . Cheers.

Reply to nn
Posted by: Sexologist | 2009/11/16

You raise a number of issues. When it comes to enjoyment of different kinds of sex, it is important to recognise that each person is different. Like food – people enjoy some types more than others. Using alcohol or drugs to desensitise yourself during sex is counterproductive. Honest discussion needs to happen. Pretending all is well when it isn’t builds resentment and can negatively affect sexual relationships. Start by affirming him as a person then say you would like to explore ways to make sex great for both of you. Extended anal (or vaginal) sex can cause irritation of the mucous membrane and pain. Tightness can be simulated with firm masturbation or mouth stimulation (oral sex). Anal sex can be made more comfortable by using a lot of lubrication and being fully relaxed. Delayed ejaculation may relate to anxiety and an inability to ‘let go’ (release). I suggest you delay penetration until just before climax. Vibrators may be helpful – some can be inserted into the vagina followed by penis penetration. The vibrator will give the extra stimulation which may help ejaculation. Some relationship exercises are available on the SA Sexual Health Association website. Expert opinions are provided by the SA Sexual Health Association: www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to Sexologist

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