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Question
Posted by: E | 2011/10/04

Threesome

I have been seeing a guy for 8 months but we are not in a relationship, I keep asking him why not because we get on so well. Now he has asked if we could have a threesome. I am quite shocked, because I feel what we have is special and why would he want that. So I said to him OK, but what if the threesome is him another man and me. His response was that I belong to him and no one else touches me. So why should I have someone else touching him. Your thoughts please

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear E,

It is evident from your description that your understanding of your relationship and your needs for the continuation and development of this relationship are different to those of your sexual partner. My first thought is that it would be important for both of you to discuss this and that you both make your expectations, needs and goals for this relationship clear. Only then are you in a position to decide whether there is enough commonality in your expectations for this relationship and that you both can "commit" to a shared and negotiated understanding of the nature of the relationship or not.

My second thought is an expression of concern in that you are shocked by his request for a threesome and you feel that he does not share the same valuing of your relationship as special and then agree to a threesome. There is a contradiction here that I think is important for you to reflect on.

The response on the part of your partner seems to indicate that he has a very specific agenda and/or script in his head with regards to your relationship which he has not shared with you openly and honestly which leads me back to the thoughts I expressed earlier in the first paragraph.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: slk | 2011/10/04

u will definately be fool if you agree to a threesome with someone who clearly you mean mean nothing to. you are jus a sex toy he can play with whenever he wants to. walk away from that man!

Reply to slk
Posted by: Debbie | 2011/10/04

Not a good idea at all!
He will drop you like a hot potato after you agree to have the threesome.
When a guy is committed to a woman, he doesn''t initiate something like this, and respect comes first!
He is most probably just experimenting and curious -

Beware - you will most likly be hurt!

Reply to Debbie
Posted by: Nonni | 2011/10/04

You are not in a relationship but you are having sex? Yet you " belong"  to him? I dont think so.

Good grief my dear, this man is using you for sex. Cant you see that? He is manipulating and controling you as well.

I understand that you are agreeing to this sordid business because you are afraid to lose him, but truth be told, he isnt committed, which means he is not yours, and you can only lose something that is.

Dont stoop to this level. Boot the chap, he sounds like scum of the earth.

Reply to Nonni
Posted by: Roommate | 2011/10/04

Simple... the third person will be a woman.
Bad idea, why the hell wuld you say yes or even considerthis?
This man does not want to commit to you, but you are going to do this?
Oi, don''t know how some people think.........

Reply to Roommate

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