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Question
Posted by: Zah | 2010/03/17

Three man, one girl

I am in serious deep sheet! Iwas involved with the father of my kids for about 12 years, until this guy came to my life. he swpt me off my feet. I love him like I was never been in love before, so I ended up fighting with my kids father then I broke up with him. Now he is begging me to get back with him saying he loves me and he is willing to forgive me after everything I have done to him! The worse part he caught me right handed with this guy it town! This new guy also lied to me that he is not involved while he was involved, but I love him so much I cant leave him. The n there is the other ione whom I was just trying to relieve stress of my new guy but now he is so serious about me. How can I get out of this mess?? Does my kids father really loves me that much?? I dont have his feelings any more. Please help before I commit suicide...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I'm confused - you have a third guy because you were trying to 'relieve stress of your new (2nd) guy'...? I don't quite understand why you needed to do this but it does sound like you are not interested in being with him - the 3rd one. Just because he wants to be with you doesn't mean that you have to, so if you are clear he is not for you, then you need to make your position clear with him. As regards the 2nd guy, whilst I'm hearing that you are in love with him, it's not clear whether he is in love with you since he lied and was involved with someone else... You may wish to clarify your position with the 2nd one because it may be that he is not interested in a relationship with you; this would be very difficult for you to deal with, but best you know this before you make a decision to leave the relationship with guy no 1.

It appears that you struggle with setting clear boundaries for yourself and get into situations that become messy and cause chaotic - try to find someway to learn to protect yourself better in the future - look for books on setting boundaries and/or if you have resources, i would encourage you to see a therapist.

Claire - SASHA

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Our users say:
Posted by: Guy | 2010/03/17

Zah

You have got yourself into a real mess. First thing you need to do is stop thinking of suicide. You have kids who need you and that will just be selfish. You need to think about what you want from a realtionship and determine who you want to have a relationship with. Obviously, you cant have a romantic relationship with all three of them. No one can help you if you dont know what you want so take some time out and figure out what you want. The answers to what you need to do will become clear once you know what you want from a relationship.

Reply to Guy
Posted by: Woman | 2010/03/17

This question should be posted on the cybershrink forum. I can''t see how the sexologist can help. Just one thing, taking your life and giving your children the burden of your suicide is a really bad idea!! This is just something that you CAN sort out.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/03/17

I'm confused - you have a third guy because you were trying to 'relieve stress of your new (2nd) guy'...? I don't quite understand why you needed to do this but it does sound like you are not interested in being with him - the 3rd one. Just because he wants to be with you doesn't mean that you have to, so if you are clear he is not for you, then you need to make your position clear with him. As regards the 2nd guy, whilst I'm hearing that you are in love with him, it's not clear whether he is in love with you since he lied and was involved with someone else... You may wish to clarify your position with the 2nd one because it may be that he is not interested in a relationship with you; this would be very difficult for you to deal with, but best you know this before you make a decision to leave the relationship with guy no 1.

It appears that you struggle with setting clear boundaries for yourself and get into situations that become messy and cause chaotic - try to find someway to learn to protect yourself better in the future - look for books on setting boundaries and/or if you have resources, i would encourage you to see a therapist.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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