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Question
Posted by: Kay | 2011/11/24

This Guy

Met this guy on Tues. we flirted etc
I just enjoyed his company and therefore flirted back.
Gvae him my number when we parted which I should not have but in that moment just forgot about everything else or lets say I wasnt thinking properly.

We chatted lastnight and asked me out.
Thing is I''m engaged to be married next year and I''m not really interested but I do think he is hot and I enjoyed his company.
How do I explain to him now, the reason for not telling him this in the first place? Would he have a reason to be upset because of this? II just feel like I led him on knowing nothing would come of it and therefore I was deceitfull.

Am i over thinking this? Ok what I thought was that I would like to have him as a friend... I dont have much at the moment.
I know I was wrong esp. towards my bf but its not like I done anything off, it was just innocent flirting...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you don't want him, why does it matter whether or not he is "hot" ? If you are sincerely engaged to be maried soon, should you really be flirting in this way ? Why not explain this to the guy so as not to offend him when explaining that this encounter will go no further ? And if you nhave significant problems with self-esteem, see a counsellor rather than flirtin for a temporary boost

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18
Our users say:
Posted by: Bzo | 2011/11/25

Kay , chances are this hot guy is in a relasionship as well.

Reply to Bzo
Posted by: Ty | 2011/11/25

they words " WE FLIRTED"  says it all, if you feel it''s all innocent tell your fiancee and see if he agrees!!!!

Reply to Ty
Posted by: Honest | 2011/11/25

lol???? My advice was deadly serious.

As you also find women physically attractive l also think its best you do not explain yourself further....too much information!!!!!!!!

Best of luck for the future

Reply to Honest
Posted by: Kay | 2011/11/25

lol! Honestly I had no idea that thinking another guy hot was such a huge thing. I mean yes I am engaged, I love my fiance with all my heart and do no have the desire or need to cheat. I was just enjoying the moment.

Just because I''m engaged does not mean I have gone blind to the world. I think I can still admire the physical beauty of other guys and girls.

Anyways I dont think I''ll explain myself any further but thanks for the comments.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Honest | 2011/11/24

l do not think you should be getting married. lf you were truly in love and committed to your fiance your engagement would be the first subject you would mention when chatting to a new aquaintance!

To describe a stranger as hot on meeting does not sound like a mature woman who is about to devote the rest of her life to a man she has chosen as a life partner?

To improve your low self esteem l suggest therapy.- perhaps invite Daniel he too could probably benifit!

Reply to Honest
Posted by: H | 2011/11/24

Daniel, eers het ek gedink jy is sommer grappig, nou sien ek jy is ''n idioot

Reply to H
Posted by: Daniel | 2011/11/24

Kay, i also have a very few friends. If you wish we can be friends only - nothing more. If you wish you can mail me daniel dot daniel985 at gmail dot com

Reply to Daniel
Posted by: Kay | 2011/11/24

I''m not really looking to go out of my way to make friends Anon. esp. with someone I havnt met face to face. Just the fact that we met and connected instantly and its not often that you find people like that.

You guys are all right and thank you for your replies it means alot to me even though it might seem like a stupid problem to others.
I will tell him imm. instead of waiting until later.

Thanks again guys!

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Nini | 2011/11/24

You say you guys spoke about your lives, yet you neglected to mention that you have a fiance? I think there was a reason for that, so my advice is to stop all contact with this man. Tell the truth and move on.

And if you''re still interested in persueing a friendship with him, as Maria says, ensure that your husband is part of the equasion.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Anon | 2011/11/24

Ok - i think you should break this " friendship"  immediately. It will definitely casue problems. Why not take Daniel up on his offer - he is willing to be friends only.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Liza | 2011/11/24

There is nothing wrong with enjoying the company of a guy who boosts your self-confidence. The problem is that you mustn''t get involved with the guy when you''re already engaged to another. So just politely decline his invitations. You don''t even have to tell him the real reason if you don''t want to.

This is where the saying " You can look at the menu, but must eat at home"  comes in...

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Kay | 2011/11/24

Wel he came over to me and we struck up a conversation.
He told me I''m pretty, we spoke about things in general and our lives. Just general things. We joked about, there was an attraction - me to his hotness.
Then when we chatted it was almost like when you start out in a relationship, getting to know someone.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Maria | 2011/11/24

You are playing with fire. Tell the guy the truth and apologise for not telling him in the first place. Then if you do want to pursue a friendship (I don''t think you should), include your fiancee.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Anon | 2011/11/24

Ok fair enough. How did you guys flirt?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Kay | 2011/11/24

Honestly I do not want him but I do think he is hot.
and just having this hot guy hitting on me was a real confidence booster but I do not want anything else. I am happy in my relationship with my bf.
Do you have to want someone if you think they hot... I dont think so.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Daniel | 2011/11/24

Kay, i also dont have much friends at the moment. I am willing to be just friends only.

Reply to Daniel
Posted by: Anon | 2011/11/24

You mention that you are not interested but you think he is hot. You want him. You just cant find it in yourself to admit it.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/11/24

If you don't want him, why does it matter whether or not he is "hot" ? If you are sincerely engaged to be maried soon, should you really be flirting in this way ? Why not explain this to the guy so as not to offend him when explaining that this encounter will go no further ? And if you nhave significant problems with self-esteem, see a counsellor rather than flirtin for a temporary boost

Reply to cybershrink

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