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Question
Posted by: anonymous | 2010/08/18

thinking about having another baby

i got two kids, staying with their dad
thinking on having another baby with my new partner.
should i feel ashamed on starting new family?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its really not about shame, but more about other issues. Such as selfishness. If you already have 2 kids, and apparently you don't live with them and look after them as they're with their dad - why would you want another baby ?
If it's just to please your new partner, who may be more temporary than you think, that's a really bad idea. If its because you enjoy having a baby, but not the responsibility of caring for infants and children as they grow up, then it'd be a really bad idea.
Are you in a permanent relationship, with both you and your partner financially and emotionally ready to raise a healthy and happy child ? If so, maybe this is worth considering. If not - why inflict on the child a sub-standard life.
When this relationship ends, and you link up with another man - would you feel you should have a child with him too ? Think of what is best for the children you have already had, and for any others you might have - is it fair to them ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Latoya | 2010/08/18

Why must you feel ashamed for wanting a child. i am 39, i wrote off the idea of having a child before i turned 35, i was married and didnt want to have another child, only have 1 who is 21, i meet a guy who is responsible, he has 1 child, and want to have a child with me, i have been trying for over a year now, and i am now getting help from the gynae, i dont think it is wrong.

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/18

Its really not about shame, but more about other issues. Such as selfishness. If you already have 2 kids, and apparently you don't live with them and look after them as they're with their dad - why would you want another baby ?
If it's just to please your new partner, who may be more temporary than you think, that's a really bad idea. If its because you enjoy having a baby, but not the responsibility of caring for infants and children as they grow up, then it'd be a really bad idea.
Are you in a permanent relationship, with both you and your partner financially and emotionally ready to raise a healthy and happy child ? If so, maybe this is worth considering. If not - why inflict on the child a sub-standard life.
When this relationship ends, and you link up with another man - would you feel you should have a child with him too ? Think of what is best for the children you have already had, and for any others you might have - is it fair to them ?

Reply to cybershrink

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