Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-15

thieving boyfriend - can it be cured?

Hi all.
My boyfriend has turned into a thief. He'  s been unemployed for a year, and his mother and I are supporting him. He lives in her home, and I provide food, airtime, etc for him. I make sure he always has food in his house, and I also take him out and give him money so that he can give his friends the impression that he is employed and successful. He hasnt told them that he'  s jobless. He makes out that my car is his, and if we go out with his friends he insists on having my cash or bank card in his wallet so that he can pay. I'  ve had problems before with him, as he nags for alcohol and cigarettes, and I'  ve tried to tell him that they are luxuries and he cant just have them all the time. I'  ve told him that we have to budget.
The problem came first when he stole money out of my bag when I was asleep, then took my car to go buy cigarettes. That almost destroyed the relationship, but he begged and pleaded for forgiveness. This was a month ago. Now he told me that his mom won'  t pay for a ticket to a sports event because "  he took money from her"  . I can'  t tolerate this anymore. He has no reason to steal from us. He is well fed, and has a roof over his head. He steals for stupid luxuries, when his mom and I do without just to make ends meet.
Is it possible to cure a thief, or should I just write him off and leave him?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Not unless he really wants to learn to stop this, and even then it would be difficult. Frankly, while it is good to help him survive and to seek work, I do't think it is useful to over-finance him so he can preend to be employed and sucessful when he is not --- you remove all his motivation to actually seek work and support himself.
Allowing him to spend your money freelly just so he can show off to others, is an awful idea.
He doesn't need alcohol and cigarettes at your expense --- again, if he gets everything free, why should he bother to get a job ? You are absolutely right too recognize --- he is a greedy thief, having everything provided for him by two hard-working women, and stealing for luxuries on top of that.
Such a man will not be cured, and continuing to sponsor him only encourages him to stay that way. There's no point in remaining with him and hoping for change that won't come

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Our users say:
Posted by: sideways | 2009-05-15

WTF??? Move on. Forget his lazy, thieving ass.

Reply to sideways
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-15

Well, South African govt believes that convicted hard core criminals can be rehabilitated, maybe your bf can be too.

Reply to Anonymous

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