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Question
Posted by: Poodle | 2010-09-21

Therapist dont give me all the info

My daughter has been attending play theraphy to deal with emotional issues surrounding the divorce . I met the lady alone at first and she told me that she wont give me all the information about what they talk about and I agreed. But when i had a briefing session with her at least I expected to get something concrete but there is nothing definite coming up. She asked me if I had noticed any change in her behaviour and I said yes < "  the tantrums have stopped, clinginess stopped , sad days , bed wetting etc has stoped for the past month. Her response was "  i am glad there is an improvement that means she is responsing well to therapy"  I asked her " do you think my suspisions that her change in behaviour was due to the divorce thing were right ? "  Her response was " yes"  adn I asked " is there anything else that might have contributed "  He answer was " I think there is an issue with sibling rivalry "  That was it , I expected her to talk further about it and elaborate more . She already had about 5 sessions with her and I am sure there is more than the 1 sentence answers she gives me . My daughter is a child , she is a minor , only 8 years old I am entitled to know what goes on in her mind , I am paying a lot of money to help her and the least she can do is let me in on what is going on with my daughter. The therapist also asked me not to ask her what they talked about and let her volunteer if she wants. I never asked adn one day she volunteered and told me that she played with " sand and she made characters and one of those was a witch who wanted all the power and has two daughters and ione daughter is a skeleton . When I ask her what her favourite character is she said "  the witch because she is kind and dresses nicely "  This explanation really bothered me and I made my own interpretations . During the briefing session with the therapist , I narrated this story to her and informed her that I think I am the witch in the story because she blames me for the divorce but I know she loves me hence the anomaly between a " witch and the same witch being her favourite characted because she is nice. When I told the therapist this her response was "  you are reading too much into it "  Was she not supposed to guide me as a therapist and tell me what it meant ? I was really dissapointed because if my daughter feels she is the skeleton and I am a witch that is a cause for concern. Am i not entitled to more information that the piece meals I am getting ? The worse is that she says " now that you have achieved all the things you sought to achieve (change in her behaviour etc) i think we are now ready to stop the sessions "  But we ended up agreeing that she will need a few more sessions to learn the coping skills and not be left out in the lurch by simply stopping the sessions . Am i asking too much ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Did I overlook it, or did you not mention your daughter's age ? Frankly, I don't think it is usually wise for a therapist working with a child to be so secretive in talking to the parent - in a sense you are also her patient, and the one who sought her help.
Apparently your child's symptoms have improved, but she doesn't seem to have given you any useful advice on how to work with the child in future or if any further problems turn up. You shouldn't need to rush to her for more therapy if other issues arise.
Any good therapist's task is to make herself redundant as soon as possible - to give the individual ( and as a child is too young to cary this on her own ) the parents, the tools with which to continue progress after the sessions end.
You may well have been reading too much, or the wrong interpretation into the witch issue, but you shouldn't have been left guessing on your own.
I think your expectations sound very reasonable. THe issues that have arisen, if for some odd reason this is the therapist's insistence on how she works, should have been discussed with you before the therapy started. A young child is too young to give the necessary ionformed consent for such therapy, and the parent therefore has to be fully informed so as to be able to give that consent for the therapy - and needs ongoing information to be able to continue to give that consent ( which is not only a one-time decision ).
The issue ot ending therapy you quote is an excellen example - you were not given enough information to be able to assess such a proposal, and to agree to it confidently

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-21

Did I overlook it, or did you not mention your daughter's age ? Frankly, I don't think it is usually wise for a therapist working with a child to be so secretive in talking to the parent - in a sense you are also her patient, and the one who sought her help.
Apparently your child's symptoms have improved, but she doesn't seem to have given you any useful advice on how to work with the child in future or if any further problems turn up. You shouldn't need to rush to her for more therapy if other issues arise.
Any good therapist's task is to make herself redundant as soon as possible - to give the individual ( and as a child is too young to cary this on her own ) the parents, the tools with which to continue progress after the sessions end.
You may well have been reading too much, or the wrong interpretation into the witch issue, but you shouldn't have been left guessing on your own.
I think your expectations sound very reasonable. THe issues that have arisen, if for some odd reason this is the therapist's insistence on how she works, should have been discussed with you before the therapy started. A young child is too young to give the necessary ionformed consent for such therapy, and the parent therefore has to be fully informed so as to be able to give that consent for the therapy - and needs ongoing information to be able to continue to give that consent ( which is not only a one-time decision ).
The issue ot ending therapy you quote is an excellen example - you were not given enough information to be able to assess such a proposal, and to agree to it confidently

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