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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/03/17

The toxic people in my life.

I profess to be this very career orientated and mature independant woman and when i really sit down and think about it i make the conclusion that i am needy. I went to see a pyschologist and she helped me get rid of a lot of guilt because of the toxic people around me but yet ive managed to bring new ones in my life. On the onset they dont come across as toxic but as time goes on I see that they are but by then i feel to bad to ditch them. They use me to cook for them, transport services, etc etc. When i ask why the men dont make me a girlfriend i get told that i am intimidating, the women tell me they have boyfriends / husbands and their partners wouldnt appreciate them spending time with a single woman because i have the freedom to do what i want. I have once again decided to use the psychologist advise and have no cut all ties with these people but yet they are coming back, calling, smsing etc, I am being very diplomatic and politely declining any invitation or request to come over to may place and with time i will manage to ignore all calls / sms etc. Is this the right way to deal with it - go cold turkey or am i setting myself up for disappointment?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Everyone is needy ; the issue is more the question of how much, and what it is we feel needy for. Bringing into your life more people of the sort that are toxic for you is often simply ( and complexly ) a bad habit, which is where I like CBT as a method attuned to breaking bad habits.
But don't feel bad about skillfully dumping people who you come to recognize as toxic and as using you. You have no duty to be used.
If such people insist on trying to return IGNORE THEM - change your numbers and emailaddress, don't answer their calls, block their messages. In most tech systems you can do this automatically rather than making a fresh decision each time. They are being selfish and don't deserve to always get what they fancy. Why not go cold turkey on them ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Dell | 2012/03/19

It is important to be yourself but also know where your limits are. If reciprocity is important to you then you must be assertive enough to say so to whomever you need to. Telling someone ''''I am only a human being and i can help you when i can but not always since i need to take care of myself also'''' is very healthy thing to do. Don''t break friendships just tell them politely that they need to respect you too.

Reply to Dell
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/18

Everyone is needy ; the issue is more the question of how much, and what it is we feel needy for. Bringing into your life more people of the sort that are toxic for you is often simply ( and complexly ) a bad habit, which is where I like CBT as a method attuned to breaking bad habits.
But don't feel bad about skillfully dumping people who you come to recognize as toxic and as using you. You have no duty to be used.
If such people insist on trying to return IGNORE THEM - change your numbers and emailaddress, don't answer their calls, block their messages. In most tech systems you can do this automatically rather than making a fresh decision each time. They are being selfish and don't deserve to always get what they fancy. Why not go cold turkey on them ?

Reply to cybershrink

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