Posted by: Out-of-luck | 2008-12-11

The Sad, the Mad and the Bad

Hi Doc

There is so much sadness in this world and I had my fair share of it! Everytime I think this is it.....just another episode starts unfolding and I feel I' ve had the pits!! I' m nearly 44, 6 years divorced (my husband cheated on me), had 3 serious relationships of wich none worked out. The last one ended a few weeks ago and I' m so sad that I can' t describe it in words.....I really thought this time, my luck has turned, just to be disappointed again.

We had a wonderfull 2 months together and he turned out te be an obsessive jealous creature. He lost his head one night, blaming me for cheating, dwelling in a fantasy world of make-believe and blamed other people for everything. I was shocked..... Afterwards I thought he must be a psycopath or something. I left him and he stalked and spy on me for 3 weeks. I agree to see him again, just to be begged for another chance. I have strong feelings for him, so I gave in. In a weeks time, he was this ' other person'  again. Now I finally left him, but he is in a state!! I feel so sad and sorry for him, I love him, but can' t be with him. He makes my life hell, I cry every day, wishing I' ve never met him. He e-mails the most beautifull love letters to me, every day. If only a " normal"  man could love me the way he do, I will bloom.........

This is more and obsession than love, maybe, but please help me with advice on how to get him out of my head and to stop him from loving (obsessing) me. I do not know what he will do If I meet another man............


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Having previously been hurt, we can tend to uncritically press ahead into a new relationship, hoping for the happiness we do indeed deserve, but perhaps more uncritical than is wise.
Now, STOP feeling sorry for the psychopath --- they feel sorry for no-one but themselves, and thrive on the pity they don't deserve. He mau not love you at all ( and would always love himself way, way more ), buit is skilled at manipulating you into doing whatever he wants, and if that requires declarations of love, he will so declare. Judge someone's love by their actions, not their words. Words are so much easier to fake.
Move on, with the aid of counselling if necessary. And don't rush into another man. Look for your own pleasure, alone and with a range of friends, rather than insisting on putting all your eggs in one basket.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Mandi | 2008-12-12


You have to come to the realization that you don' t need a man to make you feel whole and happy. It' s time to be selfish, put yourself first and sort out your own life before you let another man in. Self-preservation girl.
With regards to psycho guy  ignore him. Completely. If he carries on, get the police involved. But for your own sake you have to cut him completely out of your life, permanently.

Reply to Mandi
Posted by: LINDZ | 2008-12-12

Hi there,

First I can' t call you " OUT OF LUCK"  cause you' re not that. I' m 24, younger than you but i think i have some advice for you. Forget about him, get him out of your mind and focus on your life, the clock is ticking . There is so much happiness out there. You just have to go and find it, another thing i don' t think that ' a man'  its only thing that can make you happy especially at your age. You had so much experiences, you should now know better.

Don' t you have children, friends, or relatives to go out and have fun with? You can even go on a vacation somewhere and enjoy yourself. Tell yourself that no one can make you happy unless you make yourself happy, especially a man or a marriage. You are old enough to find your inner self, to know this things so you can tell your children about life and to give advise about relationships.

I hope my advice works for you.

Reply to LINDZ

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