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Question
Posted by: JT | 2012-06-01

the past

Why am I not embracing this time in my life… . I am married, have an amazing child, have a good job, we are not well off but we have a home and pay our bills every months… . But I keep dwelling on my past and this is not allowing me to enjoy the now, my present life…  I was never shown any love or affection from my mother or any one for that matter, there are a lot of things in my childhood I am ashamed of, I never had friends was always the out cast –  I never got nice pretty girly things like the other kids…  I don’ t remember my mom saying I love you or getting a hug etc, I never did well at school so that made me shy with low self esteem… 

I don’ t have to be ashamed and more, or hide away because I don’ t fit in, then why do I still feel that way???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its a sadly common problem that people, for various reasons, choose to obsess about their past rather than enjoying their present and working towards an improved future.
We cannot change anything that happened in the past, but are free to change how we choose to feel about whatever did happen in the past.
So, you were treated without due care and loving as a child - that's sad, but need not change uyour present. Your mother, it seems, was inadequate, but we can form bad habits of thought, assumptions and behaviour during such periods, and carry them with us into the future, like an ugly tattoo, which is more unfortunate, but luckily can be changed.
See a counsellor / psychotherapist using a modern method like CBT ( COgnitive-Behavious Therapy ) which is specially designed to halp change such bad habits of thought and behaviour, and to enable you to enjoy now and the future, far more easily.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012-06-03

" Why do I still feel that way?"  It''s a bad habit - pure and simple. You''re used to feeling this way and don''t know how to change the way you think. As CS has said - CBT-style counseling is brilliant at helping you change the bad habits of a lifetime. It''s not a quick fix however. You have to continually practice the techniques. At first it''s really hard to keep at it, because you don''t see much results, but it has a snowball effect. The longer you keep at it, the easier it becomes until it''s as easy as breathing...

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: anon | 2012-06-01

Hi JT, Ek kon ook maar net so wel die brief geskryf het. Ek is net n vrou, dis al verskil

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-06-01

Its a sadly common problem that people, for various reasons, choose to obsess about their past rather than enjoying their present and working towards an improved future.
We cannot change anything that happened in the past, but are free to change how we choose to feel about whatever did happen in the past.
So, you were treated without due care and loving as a child - that's sad, but need not change uyour present. Your mother, it seems, was inadequate, but we can form bad habits of thought, assumptions and behaviour during such periods, and carry them with us into the future, like an ugly tattoo, which is more unfortunate, but luckily can be changed.
See a counsellor / psychotherapist using a modern method like CBT ( COgnitive-Behavious Therapy ) which is specially designed to halp change such bad habits of thought and behaviour, and to enable you to enjoy now and the future, far more easily.

Reply to cybershrink

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