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Question
Posted by: Mosa | 2010/01/26

the other guy

I stopped talking to a guy who I slept with last Dec before Christmas and every time I have sex with my husband is a struggle. When he touches me I think about my guy, sex with him is just so hard the only person I think of and I wish could be the one with me is constantly on my mind still. I only slept with this guy once and though I stopped talking to him but I' m still interested in him. It' s so sad, I cry every time I have sex now. I feel no emotional connection to my hubby and this I know for a fact it' s not because I slept with someone else but is due to our marital woes...it' s so sad. I' ve felt so deeply for this guy for over a year, talked to him, slept with him now I don' t talk to him but i still feel the same about him. I am puzzled too...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So, you were unfaithful to your husband, and now have romantic ideas about a guy no longer even communicating with you, and feel sexually uninterested in your husband. If you have marial woes, seek marriage counselling together and you might be surprised how well these could be sorted out if both of you sincerely want this to happen. I suspect your feelings for this other guy (a) are probably not echoed in his feelings for you, and (b) lie significantly in fantasy about how you wish it could be, rather than in how it actually is, and grow from your marital woes. You love the idea of this other guy because he isn't your husband, and assume ( probably wrongly ) that everything could be marvellous with him, partly because he is NOT your husband.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ANON | 2010/01/28

I hope that you husband finds out what you did behind his back, and if he does you will find your whole world crumbling around you

Reply to ANON
Posted by: Red | 2010/01/27

You make your bed, you sleep in it.

Reply to Red
Posted by: R | 2010/01/27

You see when a woman cheats on her husband it is ok and nobody will condemn her but if it is a man he is a bastard!! Funny how people react!! I think if a woman does that she is a s##t and thats that!!

Reply to R
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/01/27

I agree completely with Hawu!

What you are doing now is not fair to your husband. You say your marriage has problems - then work on those! Cheating has never solved anything for anyone, as you can now see for yourself. Either commit to your husband and work on your marriage, or get out. That way you could both still find some happiness...

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Hawu | 2010/01/27

Ow what is the world coming to. One says " I cheated on my husband"  and another says " enjoy the memory" . Am I getting too old to keep up with the changing times?

Reply to Hawu
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/27

So, you were unfaithful to your husband, and now have romantic ideas about a guy no longer even communicating with you, and feel sexually uninterested in your husband. If you have marial woes, seek marriage counselling together and you might be surprised how well these could be sorted out if both of you sincerely want this to happen. I suspect your feelings for this other guy (a) are probably not echoed in his feelings for you, and (b) lie significantly in fantasy about how you wish it could be, rather than in how it actually is, and grow from your marital woes. You love the idea of this other guy because he isn't your husband, and assume ( probably wrongly ) that everything could be marvellous with him, partly because he is NOT your husband.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: ditto | 2010/01/26

i am probably the last one to comment - but i identify with you - it' s like being a love-sick teenager again! i bleieve you should treasure the memories, they will go away eventually - and in years to come bring a smile to your face - it' s got noting to do with the relationship you have with your husbands - i' ve never seen confession do any good. you will always have the memories with that guy - enjoy it for the little bit of now that you shared with anohter human soul on the journey...

Reply to ditto

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