Our expert says:
Am I right that this woman's second child has a second father ? He may, depending on what happened and what was agreed between them, have varying degrees of obligations to her. But he MUSt have and accept obligations towards his child, and you should both expect and want that - would you rather than men had children willy-nilly with any woman, and then abandoned both ?
If the biomom has to go into hospital, wouldn't it be natural that he would perhaps want to take care of the child during that time ?
You seem to deeply resent the child who is totally inocent and blameless. Is it her fault that he chose to impregnate her mother ?
Is your husband really, selfishly, trying to pelase this woman ? Or looking after his child, who deserves love and care ?
If it deeply affronts and bothers you that a man already has a child with another woman, you shouldn't marry him.
If the biomom is again pregnant, but by some other guy, she sounds irresponsible and gormless, and hardly a capable planner. She sounds barely capable of properly taking care of herself, let alone a child, let alone 2 children.
Good comments, esp from Nonni and Jessica. It is important to discuss this calmly with him, though, as he must recognize that there need to be limits on the extent to which the biomom is exploiting the situation - it's about what the child needs, not what the mother wants. Maybe she's an awful mother - that's HER fault, not the child's.
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