advertisement
Question
Posted by: Judy | 2012/07/04

The name of this Disease ...!

********** Husbandf^ckedupitis **********

I thought I was the only one in the whole wide world that was suffering from this insidious disease.
I have had it for 3 years next month and wish there was a miracle cure.
After going for councelling, hospitalisation twice verging on breakdown, psychiatrists, meds that zombify, weight gain because of meds, trial separations, no speaks for weeks, discussions together, screaming and shouting, destructive behaviour, intimacy, more screaming and tears, apologies, therapy, major financial outlay, threats, trying to repair relationship, short bursts of happiness, intense sadness, suicidal thoughts, bouts of agoraphobia, peace, ignoring triggers, controlling thoughts and so much more, I dont know what to do.

We have been happily married for 35 years, loved and respected each other, have two successful happy independent children. Our retirement years were planned so well, we both worked hard throughout our marriage and now at this stage of our lives have to cope with this.

For what I''ve asked myself, for what ...... a f*cking f*ck !! THAT''S ALL!! Is it really worth it. I personally dont think so.

A friend asked me the other day how I was doing, I hesitated before answering:- " I''m comfortable" . And that is all.

Reading through various forums it seems to be quite a common thing. Lets share and try to help each other. We certainly are not alone.

There must be husbands too who suffer " Wifef*ckedupitis" . You are not left out here. Share with us to try understand this disease. Maybe between all of us we can discover a miracle cure.




Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Judy,
Was the councelling purely for you - or was it marriage counselling ? People too often think of marriage counselling as intended to be a form of Superglue to stick a couple together forever, whereas I see it, when done by a properly skilled counsellor, as enabling both spouses to have an opportunity to express their problems with and to each other, and to explore whether the relationship is possible to fix - and whether it is worth fixing, and to be in a better position to make an informed decision as to whether or not to divorce.
And while drugs can be helpful in treating specific and properly diagnosed psych conditions, they NEVER fix marriage or relationship problems, and may indeed make them worse.
I'd elaborate your closing question - what could usefully be done to prevent these idiotic flings that often foul up a previously good and functional relationship ? Its always better to prevent damage than to fix it
And a thought. Loving someone doesn't always mean its a great idea to stay together. I love the msic of Mahler, but I'm sure we'd have been miserable living together

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Priggles | 2012/07/10

@ Judy

You are such a f-ckin negative person...

Your husband deserves better...

Reply to Priggles
Posted by: Judy | 2012/07/04

Expert....we went together for councelling and to begin with my husband lied to her even. He was so ashamed of what he had done, he actually lied at councelling. We paid plenty for this councelling and he lied to protect himself! Only after I did the private investigator thing and found out a lot of things did he come clean. I''ve never known him to lie so this was a shock. It was not just a one night stand, it went on a while.

The drugs served their purpose. I''m drug free now, but what I''m battling with is just this intense sadness.
I saw a quote recently, it said: " What loneliness is more lonely than distrust" . These are the feelings that are so difficult to overcome.

Linus ... your comments all ring true. I have chosen to forgive him but will never forgive his behaviour. As for forgetting, thats going to be a difficult one indeed.

Reply to Judy
Posted by: Linus | 2012/07/04

The saying " Shit Happens"  springs to mind here. And I am in no trying to belittle what your husband has done. I know that sometimes things happen that we cannot really explain or deserve or expect or see coming. That is a fact of life. What you do about it in your own specific circumstances is really up to you as you have sovereign choice in this matter and you have to manage the outcome and consequences of what you decide to do. And it really does come down to a simple choice: if you weigh up all of the factors what is the best route for you to take? If it means taking on board that he made a mistake with a once off indiscretion you can expect him to commit to working towards regaining your trust and forgiveness. But I think it would only be fair on you to go down this route if he is truly remorseful and vows never to do it again - and remains faithful you will be able to restore what you had in a way - but you probably won''t ever able to forget...

Reply to Linus
Posted by: Judy | 2012/07/04

I dont think anybody could recommend any book to me that I havent read. Ive done everything to try and understand why this has happened and what can be done to help.

There was 1 book I read, for the life of me cant remember who wrote it or the title of it because I read so many - on the last page I read something that hit the nail on the head - it said: " After all else fails if your spouse''s behaviour has gone against your own moral standards then walk away" . I decided there and then that I would do this, my mind was made up.

I just couldnt do this, I love this man. So all I can do is get on with my life as it has been given to me now and play the waiting game for time to heal. Its not easy!

Reply to Judy
Posted by: Digital_Sex | 2012/07/04

< Judy> 
Nice one that is very true from both sides.
I think a simple book that will assist is “ Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”  –  forgot the author but will get back on that one.
It gives useful tips on how man/women go about things and is a great eye-opener

Reply to Digital_Sex
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/04

Hi Judy,
Was the councelling purely for you - or was it marriage counselling ? People too often think of marriage counselling as intended to be a form of Superglue to stick a couple together forever, whereas I see it, when done by a properly skilled counsellor, as enabling both spouses to have an opportunity to express their problems with and to each other, and to explore whether the relationship is possible to fix - and whether it is worth fixing, and to be in a better position to make an informed decision as to whether or not to divorce.
And while drugs can be helpful in treating specific and properly diagnosed psych conditions, they NEVER fix marriage or relationship problems, and may indeed make them worse.
I'd elaborate your closing question - what could usefully be done to prevent these idiotic flings that often foul up a previously good and functional relationship ? Its always better to prevent damage than to fix it
And a thought. Loving someone doesn't always mean its a great idea to stay together. I love the msic of Mahler, but I'm sure we'd have been miserable living together

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement