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Question
Posted by: Marina | 2011/01/20

The Ex and our feelings

My ex and I parted ways 15 years ago. It was bad as we were engaged after a 13 year relationship. He was devastated and so was I. It took me a year to get over this man (so I thought).I met someone else and we were together for 12 years.The ex married a girl a year after we broke up and had 3 weeks.His marriage is on the rocks (I never went to the wedding and I predicted it would end badly because she thought she was marrying wealth and is very controlling and used kids to cement the relationship - I kept my opinion to myself) and wished them both well. She used to keep in touch and phone me now and then. No hard feelings.Now the tough realisation has been verbalised that we have both been happily in rebound relationships and still have strong feelings for each other.We admit we never totally got over each other.He is trying to work things out for the sake of the kids.We are not seeing each other and after this relevation decided to just talk now and then as friends.I am no marriage destroyer. But what to do?Our friends of course (and everyone that knows us) says we are meant to be together and will.His wife wanted a separation for 3 months last year.Nothing is happening and nothing will but it is hard knowing we have feelings.I think we both always knew it we just ignored it because we both " moved on" .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, if he is still tryhing to work things out, and thus not yet decided, you probably need to wait. Maybe they should see a marriage counsellor, to decide whether it is even possible for them to work it out. If not, then maybe you can consider, after the divorce, exploring a renewed relationship

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Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/20

Marina you are very brave for not breaking up their marraige. You know you could if you were evil.
I hope many people will read your post and learn from it ! We are so quick to get a divorce.
One should ALWAYS try every single route to reconcile one''s differences BEFORE going the divorce route.
But what is done is done. Hopefully many will benefit by your experience. I wish you only the best and I have a lot of respect for your decision.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/20

Well, if he is still tryhing to work things out, and thus not yet decided, you probably need to wait. Maybe they should see a marriage counsellor, to decide whether it is even possible for them to work it out. If not, then maybe you can consider, after the divorce, exploring a renewed relationship

Reply to cybershrink

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