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Question
Posted by: Mel | 2011/10/24

The Ex

Hubby made contact with his ex a few months ago. It was just a case of what are you doing and how are you etc. I explained to my Hubby that I was not happy with this contact and afte a huge argument he said he will not contact her anymore but will not delete her from his contacts. I recently saw a sms come through and he knew that I had seen it and immeditely tried to distract me. Later on I checked his messages and I saw that she was responding to a message from him. It was purely a platonic message. The next day the messages were deleted. I decided after reading the message I would let it slide. They are in different provinces anyway but the fact that he deleted them makes me feel that he is being deceiptful. We have a fantastic relationship and I can''t understand the need for this contact. Should I confront him and end up having another huge argument or should i just let it go. Please can you give me advice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Aren't yopu being rather insecure about your "fantastic relationship" ? Clearly he didn't have such a fantastic relationship with her, or he would still be with her. But there's really no reason to expect, let alone demand, that every divorce or romantic breakup must end in bitterness and undying hatred.
I know many couples who remained good friends after a breakup, with no damage whatever done to their central relationship with their chosen partner.
Why can't they break up romantically, and still be friends ? Why shouldn't that be possible ?
Maybe some sessions of mariage counselling could help you gain confidence and enjoy the excellent relationship you have, without feeling undul threatened ?
Confrontation is wickedly fashionable at present but only very very rarely useful

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Cami | 2011/10/26

My husband and I have a great relationship nd he is still in contact with old girlfriends. I dont need to know what they chat about because I have nothing really in common with them. I am helping an ex-boyfriend with his work right now and my husband doesnt have to see every message we send one another. Affairs can start with exes or random other people. Trust him if your instincts tell you to. Dont allow other people''s bad experiences cause you to mistrust your husband. dont become a spy. Tell him that he can have his friendships. I am friends with my exes and my husband with his, and that''s fine.

Reply to Cami
Posted by: Phil | 2011/10/25

That''s  how all affairs start....lol
I think Cybershrink  is trying to ignore the reality of what happens everyday

PS: Maybe you should start chatting to your old boyfreinds  see how much he likes that?
Only fair....

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Nonni | 2011/10/24

Keep monitoring the conversations. See what they are up to. You are eventually going to have to ask him what he is up to and why he lied to you, but stay calm and first find out what is going on.

Reply to Nonni
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/10/24

He lied , dump him. You cannot trust him.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/24

Aren't yopu being rather insecure about your "fantastic relationship" ? Clearly he didn't have such a fantastic relationship with her, or he would still be with her. But there's really no reason to expect, let alone demand, that every divorce or romantic breakup must end in bitterness and undying hatred.
I know many couples who remained good friends after a breakup, with no damage whatever done to their central relationship with their chosen partner.
Why can't they break up romantically, and still be friends ? Why shouldn't that be possible ?
Maybe some sessions of mariage counselling could help you gain confidence and enjoy the excellent relationship you have, without feeling undul threatened ?
Confrontation is wickedly fashionable at present but only very very rarely useful

Reply to cybershrink

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