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Question
Posted by: Mona | 2010/05/31

The Crossroad

I have been with my partner for over 3 years now and we love eachother very much. We have started planning our lives together. It turns out however that ever since he can remember he has never wanted marriage and children. This has never really been a major thing for me but getting married is something I really want. I dont necessarily need to have children. Where do we go from here? Will this work or are we kidding ourselves?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's a bit odd, and rather sad that you have been together for more than 3 years, apparently contentedly, without having discussed these rather important points before now. Maybe, as quite often happens, you both assumed you felt the same way without feeling the need to discuss it. But as the general expectation when staying together in a loving relationship IS that it will lead to marriage and children ( though obviously it doesn't have to do so ) it's wise, when either partner has a different expectation, to discuss this early on and make this variant expectation clear.
Couples counselling may help to clarify the matter - what exactly does marriage represent to you, such that you want it ; and what does i represent to him, that he doesn't ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/31

It's a bit odd, and rather sad that you have been together for more than 3 years, apparently contentedly, without having discussed these rather important points before now. Maybe, as quite often happens, you both assumed you felt the same way without feeling the need to discuss it. But as the general expectation when staying together in a loving relationship IS that it will lead to marriage and children ( though obviously it doesn't have to do so ) it's wise, when either partner has a different expectation, to discuss this early on and make this variant expectation clear.
Couples counselling may help to clarify the matter - what exactly does marriage represent to you, such that you want it ; and what does i represent to him, that he doesn't ?

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