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Question
Posted by: anon | 2012/06/21

test

A simple question just to ensure that I''m not loosing my effin mind when u and your husband make a promis to never sleep away from eachother again, and he happens to tell you oh by the way I might be sleeping away for the weekend for a friends bulls party, how should I react? Should I be happy that once again its about your friends? Should I be happy that I''m alone the whole weekend by myself with no vehicle if something had to happen ect ect ect? What would be the appropriate way to behave and respond to this? After talks and fights and talks and fights that you are now a married man with responcibilites etc...

Please just help me out here cuz if I''m wrong ill gladly swallow humble pie.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, its presumably less worrying if he plans to sleepover with male friends in a rugby-related incident than for more suspicious reasons and with more suspicious company.
But the basic idea of a couple promising, not to be faithful ( which apparently you both are ) but to sleep together in the same room every single night of your lives, sounds rather odd. Is your own company so unpleasant that you actually dread spending a weekend on your own ?
Can't you arrange to spend some of that time with family and friends ? Cant he leave the car with you, and travel with one of his friends ?
The initial promise is basically daft and wildly unrealistic.
As others say, there is surely something deeper going on here ; to what extent it is basically trust issues between you, or maybe anxiety issues about being alone on your side, remains to be seen. But wouldn't marriage counselling to clarify the issues and find mutually happier solutions, be a wise idea ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2012/06/22

Firstly it''s really silly promise to make as no-one knows when they may have to be apart for a night or two ... work, hospital, family crisis etc. Being married for 12 years, I LOVE IT when my husband goes away for a weekend or even a whole week with his family - I have the best time ever! It would appear that there are trust issues here, which need to be addressed. Married people also have the right to be alone and spend some time apart. He may appreciate you more if he spends some time away from you. Fighting, nagging, bitching and moaning about it will make the situation worse and he will actually look forward to being away from you and spending time with his friends. Be nice about it and he may miss you so much that he will think twice about going away for a weekend with his friends. I am sure there are many men out there who will agree with me that they hate it when their wives/girlfriends act all clingy and desperate when they want to go somewhere! Why don''t you do the same? Arrange a weekend with your sisters, cousins, friends etc.? If being without transport is a problem, why don''t you tell him that he can go with his friends, but will have to leave the car for you in case a problem arises and you need transport. There are ways to get around this and feeling sorry for yourself and angry with him won''t help much! Another thing, being married does not cut one off from the rest of the world. I personally think it''s very unhealthy to not have outside interests and friends. I am sure your husband knows what his responsibilities are. I can guarantee you, you will spend one weekend alone and enjoy yourself so much that you won''t be able to wait for the next weekend when he goes away! Pamper yourself with candles, a bubble bath and a glass or two of wine. Maybe it won''t work for you, but believe me, I have been alone so many times and I thoroughly enjoy the " me"  time I have when he is away.

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/22

Well, its presumably less worrying if he plans to sleepover with male friends in a rugby-related incident than for more suspicious reasons and with more suspicious company.
But the basic idea of a couple promising, not to be faithful ( which apparently you both are ) but to sleep together in the same room every single night of your lives, sounds rather odd. Is your own company so unpleasant that you actually dread spending a weekend on your own ?
Can't you arrange to spend some of that time with family and friends ? Cant he leave the car with you, and travel with one of his friends ?
The initial promise is basically daft and wildly unrealistic.
As others say, there is surely something deeper going on here ; to what extent it is basically trust issues between you, or maybe anxiety issues about being alone on your side, remains to be seen. But wouldn't marriage counselling to clarify the issues and find mutually happier solutions, be a wise idea ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Maria | 2012/06/21

How long have you been married? It sounds as if the two of you may have very different expectations of what marriage should be like. Promising never to spend a night apart is like putting a plaster on a broken bone... clearly there are much deeper issues. (It''s also unrealistic. What if one has to travel for business, or go to hospital, or go and support family in a different city etc.)

Marriage counselling?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/06/21

Why would a happily married couple need to promise they would never sleep apart for the rest of their lives?
There are bigger trust issues here than arguing about spending the odd night apart.................

Reply to Obvious

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