Our expert says:
I hear a lot of fear and anxiety in your letter. These fears sometimes come from stories we have heard. Sex is something to be shared, in a way that gives both partners pleasure. I strongly advise against medication or drugs that would hinder you from fully participating in your love-making. Take things slowly, pleasure each other with the fingers or tongue, without penetration. Try and relax into the experience. Learn to enjoy high levels of sexual arousal with your partner. During this stage of sexual response, the brain produces 'feel good' chemicals that act as a natural 'pain reliever'. Before attempting any penetration - even with a finger or tampon, make sure that you use a lot of lubrication (e.g. KY Jelly) that will make it easier. Try having 1 or 2 glasses of wine as part of setting the romantic atmosphere, this can also help to relax you. If these exercises still cause extreme fear you may need to see a counsellor.
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