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Question
Posted by: Nobby | 2008/07/16

Terrible Mom

Hi

I am a mother who was abused as a child, abused by my mother she illtreated me did not care whether I go school or not I went to a charismatic church while I was in matric and attended prayer meetings during the week and my mum would lock me out sayng I should go back there, she would deny me food not buy me anything my step sister would also tell me that this is not my home. I left them after passing matric went to live with my mother's friend looked for a job but did not find anything. Their place was a madhouse but at least they let me live with them, I found my dad lived with him went to college tried hard to get my life together. I wrote my mother off.

I started working and all I could think of is her My first instalment sale was me buying her a fridge, my first 13th cheque took her to furniture store to choose whatever she wanted and I bought he a kitchen unit, today practically everything in her house was ought by me. He other childen are unemployed I now have my own kids she is interefering in their upbring to her I am not good enough although I am the only one who's made something out my life.

Last year eveything that she did to me as a little girl resurfaced I wondered what she expected me to do locking me out at night, refusing to give me food, hiding sugar so that I won't have tea, and when I studied at night she would say it her electricity and I should switch it off. What did she expect me to do I was little, not street wise but I thank God that I survived I feel I tried to make her love me and accept me she the first person I think of when I have something yet she feels I am not good enough, I am stupid she has to control me, she doesn't like my husband when they came to pay lobola she refused to accept it they had to call my dad who said it was ok. Yet she took the money and she did not treat my inlaws ok. She does not recognise my husband she won't greet him.
What type of a mother is this, would I be wong incutting her out of my life I am at a point where I don't want her to come to my funeral unfortunately I have to go to her's as I am the only person reponsible for the household she does't have a funeral cover or anything if something goes wrong she calls me and after I have helped I am stupid.

I apologise for the long mail,

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Our expert says:
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YOur mother was abusive, and unloving, so there was and is no point in your trying to buy her love --- she has nopne, for sale or to give. Stick to your own life, and exclude the abusive mom, and don't allow her to interfere in the raising of your children, as she clearly knows nothing at all about good parenting. See a personal counsellor to look after yourself, and ignore her ( and stop buying her things --- she doesn't deserve i t at all ).

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