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Posted by: nana | 2010/10/29

terrbly hurt :-( :-(

I love my bf soooooooooooooo much but he just cant seem to get over the fact that I had a thing on with one of his family members( before I even knew of his existence) he simply cant deel with this we love each other and talked about marriage but he is realy struggling with this also he was a virgin when he met me and due to some very bad choices in my life I was not...this hurts him and he wants to know why I couldnt save myself for someone like him?
I cant change the past even though I sooooo desperately want to.
What can I do to just make everything like it use to be I DONT WANT TO LOOSE HIM.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he isn't mature enough to handle your PAST history, then he's not ready for a serious relationship, with you or with anyone else. If he rejects someone he meets on the basis of their not being a virgin, then he rules out many possible relationships.
You might have chosen differently, have chosen to "save yourself" - but why would it have been for someone like him ?
None of us can ever change the past - what we CAN, fruitfully change, is our attitude to the past and the conclusions we choose to draw from it. And CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) is an effective way to do that, if we wish to do so. The change needs to come within him ; it sounds as though you have already matured and changed beneficially.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/30

If he isn't mature enough to handle your PAST history, then he's not ready for a serious relationship, with you or with anyone else. If he rejects someone he meets on the basis of their not being a virgin, then he rules out many possible relationships.
You might have chosen differently, have chosen to "save yourself" - but why would it have been for someone like him ?
None of us can ever change the past - what we CAN, fruitfully change, is our attitude to the past and the conclusions we choose to draw from it. And CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) is an effective way to do that, if we wish to do so. The change needs to come within him ; it sounds as though you have already matured and changed beneficially.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: just a thought | 2010/10/29

this s not going to work- if he is not mature enough to work through this he is certainly not mature enough for marriage

Reply to just a thought
Posted by: Only me | 2010/10/29

It''s long before his time, he must get over it realy...somewhat a bit chidish I would say.Tell him, you love him and if you wanted to be with someone else he would''nt have been the one you want to be getting married with..period.

Reply to Only me
Posted by: lizard | 2010/10/29

this is a situation that is happening all the time, its not a new one thats for sure, and its pretty much one sided, BUT a male will sleep with woman but wants his woman to be pure, thats the way it works, woman are going to have to learn to save themselves for their husbands otherwise there will be no peace, basically you cant do anything, whats done is done. I was''nt a virgin when I got married, and I was not prepared for the guilt i felt when i did get married that I was''nt a virgin, my husband did''nt say one word about it niether did i, but I felt dreadful for a long time, I wished so badly I had listened to my parents about that sort of thing. The fact that it is one of his family members makes it worse, he does''nt want that dude looking at him knowing he has had you allready, its like shameful for him

Reply to lizard

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