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Question
Posted by: Sad | 2012/01/11

Terminating

Please do not judge.I just need to talk to soeone and get advises.
I met my boyfriend in 2005 I was doing my first year in varsity and he was doing his last.We were realy inlove ,he was my second.He was working part time..2006 early i fel pregnant.He was doing his last semester graduating in june.He insisted i terminate because he felt it was going to slow down his career and his parents are gona be disapointe.I dont have parents so either i leave school and take care of the baby and continue when the baby is older or take baby to his parents.I didnt want to,but i just imagined myself strugling with a baby by myself,it was too much.Typing this im holding back tears.We decided i go,i remember the night before crying at his res asking him thatwe should keep baby as he is working il find a job too.But he refuse.He didnt go with me there,he had classes to attend.I was alone there scared and cnfused.I remember evry litle detail about it like it was yesterday.Even the doctor who did it.I remember he was telling me to leave my bf because he doesnt love me,and my life wil not be the same.There was no counselling.
Something died in me that day.I dont know what it is but i just felt emptiness.
Our sexlife changed since.I always had abdominal pains.I always had an excuse why i dont want to,besides the pain,i just felt like screaming everytime he touched me.When we at it i enjoy but after that i just want to stand up and do something.Im a loving person,we usd to cuddle and talk now i just want to leave the room.We broke up and i met someone and the 2years we were together the sex was great.We broke up because of emotional abuse.I have his baby.My bf of 2006 came back.He was there for me through it all.we decided to get back together and i hoped things would change.Hes a great person and my famly think i should marry him.i know he loves me.But the past always come back.now i feel hees here with me and my baby because he feels guilty about 2006..He thinks i have issues it cant be 2006 incident thats making me like this.I love sex but just not with him.I still want to scream when he touches m or want to kisss me.How do i get over this and move on with him.I think agai im afraid of being without him as hes been there for me since,except with the termination.Last time we did it was in november.I do feel like doing it but when i think of him > > > 
Thanks for reading my long post.
Do i need counseling or am i just insane.
I think the reason im with him now is because my daughter adores him and so does my family.Im gona break her heart if i leave him shes@ and shes known him since birth because her daddy was never there.
:(

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

lets see what other readers have to say, here. I think your b was extremely selfish, and inconsiderate of both your feelings and the child's life, thinking solely of his own wishes and convenience. Not to even go with you was crummy behaviour - he could have missed a class or two for a reason like that.
There is no trace of love in how he responded to the situation he had actively helped to create.
Its curious that he behaved so badly when it was about a pregnancy he had caused ( with you ), and yet apparently better when you were recovering from ( apparently more physical than emotional ? ) abuse from someone else, and when you had a child by the other unworthy guy.
He has good reason to feel guilty about how he behaved in 2006, but at least it sounds as though he is making amends and behaving well this time.
But you won't be able to form a stable and happy relationship with him while you still feel so very negative about having sex with him. You really, really need to see a counsellor to work on all the issues this raises for you, and to work your way through them. I still say abortion should NEVER EVER be performed without proper counselling being compulsory.
You are far from insane, but need and deserve counselling. You have been unfortunate in your choice of men so far ; maybe now that he does seem reformed, he may be a worthy partner.
THe counsellor should also help you to learn to feel confident and good about yourself WITHOUT sex - not that I'm saying you should avoid sex, but you shouldn't get into situations when it becomes the basis of feeling good about yourself, as though it was the only thing of value for you or about you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012/01/12

He made a mistake with insisting that you terminate and that broke your trust in him. Trust is a funny thing. It''s easy to lose but so hard to get back.

I suggest personal counseling as well as couples counseling to improve the trust in your relationship. It does sound like he''s pulled up his socks and is more trustworthy than he was before, but that in itself is not enough. He abandoned you in 2006 and he has to realize that it IS a problem before you can take the relationship further.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Nini | 2012/01/11

I personally think that on a subconscious level you still feel betrayed by him.

During the termination period he not only betrayed you, but he betrayed your body as well. You went through something traumatic, and you had to do it alone. Which means that in times of need he could not be trusted. He did not consider you or your wishes.

Even though all this time has passed and he may seem better now, you have not yet come to terms with what he has put you through. He did indeed betray you, and put your body through pain and stress. This is probably exactly why you find yourself still attracted to sex in general, however not with him. You as well as your body have not gotten over this ordeal.

Please seek professional help. He seems like he could be a better person now. And you seem like you have indeed moved on with your life. It will do you the world of good to make sense of those feelings, and to forgive him for what he has done. Not just for his sake, but for the sake of your future, and the potential you have for a happy life with the right man.

Good luck.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/11

lets see what other readers have to say, here. I think your b was extremely selfish, and inconsiderate of both your feelings and the child's life, thinking solely of his own wishes and convenience. Not to even go with you was crummy behaviour - he could have missed a class or two for a reason like that.
There is no trace of love in how he responded to the situation he had actively helped to create.
Its curious that he behaved so badly when it was about a pregnancy he had caused ( with you ), and yet apparently better when you were recovering from ( apparently more physical than emotional ? ) abuse from someone else, and when you had a child by the other unworthy guy.
He has good reason to feel guilty about how he behaved in 2006, but at least it sounds as though he is making amends and behaving well this time.
But you won't be able to form a stable and happy relationship with him while you still feel so very negative about having sex with him. You really, really need to see a counsellor to work on all the issues this raises for you, and to work your way through them. I still say abortion should NEVER EVER be performed without proper counselling being compulsory.
You are far from insane, but need and deserve counselling. You have been unfortunate in your choice of men so far ; maybe now that he does seem reformed, he may be a worthy partner.
THe counsellor should also help you to learn to feel confident and good about yourself WITHOUT sex - not that I'm saying you should avoid sex, but you shouldn't get into situations when it becomes the basis of feeling good about yourself, as though it was the only thing of value for you or about you

Reply to cybershrink

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