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Question
Posted by: Jurie | 2011/02/25

Tension at home

My wife and I have not been seeing eye to eye for about 2 months now. A lot of hurtful things were said and there have been no remorse or apologies forthcoming. Now her birthday is coming up and I''m demotivated to treat her like a queen as I normally do. Since we''ve been together, I always book a weekend away for her birthday. I''m demotivated this time around and she will notice when she doesn''t get the usual special treatment - cake, dinner, weekend away. Do you think this will increase the tension or make her more aware of what is happening to us?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Couples counselling would be wise as one of the birthday gifts. I worry when a woman expects to be treated " like a queen" but doesn't think it necessary to treat her spouse "like a king" - in other words, when one partner expects the other to pwersistently woo them, without feeling any need to reciprocate.
If you have always arranged the special outing for her birthday, of course she will notice if you don't - and I don't see how that could have any useful effect for you or her. Wuldn't it be better to use the opportunity while away to talk, calmly and gently about your concerns, and your wish to work with her to restore what you both most valued in the mariage ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/26

Couples counselling would be wise as one of the birthday gifts. I worry when a woman expects to be treated " like a queen" but doesn't think it necessary to treat her spouse "like a king" - in other words, when one partner expects the other to pwersistently woo them, without feeling any need to reciprocate.
If you have always arranged the special outing for her birthday, of course she will notice if you don't - and I don't see how that could have any useful effect for you or her. Wuldn't it be better to use the opportunity while away to talk, calmly and gently about your concerns, and your wish to work with her to restore what you both most valued in the mariage ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: me | 2011/02/25

Dont fight fire with fire, U might end up with ashes.

Go ask my husband, sorry meant to say now ex husband!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to me
Posted by: Mel | 2011/02/25

I am no expert ok, but my opinion is........ Do what you normally do, in fact even better. Take her away for her birthday weekend and try and work things out. Make her feel like a queen, maybe she''ll see what a good husband she has and you guys can love each other again to way you used to. Also communicate and when you guys come back. Try some couples counseling. Good luck and hope things can be restored.

Reply to Mel

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