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Question
Posted by: Zee01 | 2011/01/20

Temper tantrums

I am at my wits end!
My daughter will be 3 in May, and she just does not stop moaning!!!
She sleeps really bad, I we do not know why, ever since we got back from holiday... She has only slept through once, and before the holiday she mostly slept through!
If she is awake she is just naughty.
We tried spanking her, putting her in her room, ignoring her?!

What would you say is the best way do discipline kids of this age??
Thank you so much!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Fortunately this infuriating phase doesn't last forever, and doesn't preduct the sort o woman she will grow into. I'm not sure why her sleeping pattern would change after the holiday, maybe it's just a matter of settling back into her old routine. At this age, it's not as easy to talk with ans reason with a child, but the usually recommended methods still usually work -
* spanking doesn't work, and could make things worse, making her more grumpy and less likely to sleep.
* setting simple rules helps, clearly and repeatedly explained to her, with clear and simple consequences. You can't tell her to sleep longer - she can't do that deliberately. But you can make it a rule that IF she wakes early, she must stay in her own room till ( whatever time suits you ) - maybe marked with a star on the clock in her room, to stay quiet till the BIG hand is pointing to that spot, until she can reliably tell time. Maybe set an alarm ; and if she wakes before it goes off, she must stay quetyl in bed, playing with some toys near her, until the alarm goes off.
* If she has tantrums, don't reward them by giving too much attention. Explain that when she breaks a rule or has a tantrum, she will have to sit on the naughty chair for 5 minutes on her own, and can then apologise and then get up and get a hug and love. When necessary, then, explain this and place her in the selected chair. If she leaves it, put her back. After 5 minutes, ask for the apology and give a hug and kiss.
* don't focus only on the tantrums or other misbehaviour - try to catch her doing good and desirable things and reward these with lavish love, attention and praise. This not only makes it much more likely she'll repeat such rewarding behaviours, but makes the contrast all the greater to bein ignored when she's naughty.
* stay calm and persistent.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: JT.CPT | 2011/01/20

Hmmm maybe your daughters sleeping pattern has been disrupted because of a purely physical reason. Is she very active in the day, does she go to daycare (could be taking a nap that is disrupting her), does she get a lot of sweets or fluids with high energy content. All of these could be disrupting your child.

Reply to JT.CPT
Posted by: Anita | 2011/01/20

Maybe spanking her is not such a good idea. Have you tried lying down with her and singing to her or reading to her till she falls asleep? Something must''ve happened to upset her sleeping pattern .... difficult one ... good luck, but try not to spank her. Is your daughter not maybe afraid of the dark?

Reply to Anita
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/20

Fortunately this infuriating phase doesn't last forever, and doesn't preduct the sort o woman she will grow into. I'm not sure why her sleeping pattern would change after the holiday, maybe it's just a matter of settling back into her old routine. At this age, it's not as easy to talk with ans reason with a child, but the usually recommended methods still usually work -
* spanking doesn't work, and could make things worse, making her more grumpy and less likely to sleep.
* setting simple rules helps, clearly and repeatedly explained to her, with clear and simple consequences. You can't tell her to sleep longer - she can't do that deliberately. But you can make it a rule that IF she wakes early, she must stay in her own room till ( whatever time suits you ) - maybe marked with a star on the clock in her room, to stay quiet till the BIG hand is pointing to that spot, until she can reliably tell time. Maybe set an alarm ; and if she wakes before it goes off, she must stay quetyl in bed, playing with some toys near her, until the alarm goes off.
* If she has tantrums, don't reward them by giving too much attention. Explain that when she breaks a rule or has a tantrum, she will have to sit on the naughty chair for 5 minutes on her own, and can then apologise and then get up and get a hug and love. When necessary, then, explain this and place her in the selected chair. If she leaves it, put her back. After 5 minutes, ask for the apology and give a hug and kiss.
* don't focus only on the tantrums or other misbehaviour - try to catch her doing good and desirable things and reward these with lavish love, attention and praise. This not only makes it much more likely she'll repeat such rewarding behaviours, but makes the contrast all the greater to bein ignored when she's naughty.
* stay calm and persistent.

Reply to cybershrink

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