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Question
Posted by: Kitty | 2011/05/12

Temper

Hi CS. I want your opinion on something. I have a temper, and I get annoyed with people, and to such an extend that I sometimes just want to tell them what I think. The problem is I''m scared that it will cause an uncomfortable situation, or push people away. Generally I''m a loner, and don''t have a lot of friends, and people tend to think I''m a b!tch already just by looking at me, and really I''m not. So what is better, to hold it in, like I''ve been doing my whole life, to a point where I feel like I''m going to have a heart attack, cos I always just keep quiet, and take crap from people. Or should I let it out sometimes, and risk whatever consequences come as a result of it? Something like this feels like it can drive me insane, and I feel too stupid to go to a shrink or whatever. My father has the same temper, but he never holds it in. He just explodes wherever he is, and everyone will stare at him, and oooh and aaahh and it''s really embarrassing. I don''t want to be like that, but damn, it''s difficult to always just hold it in.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you noticed how many people this week, have been complaining of having a really bad temper ? Is it the change in the weather or what ?
It seems you need, as one would do in counselling or therapy, to examine your alternatives in choosing a response when someone or something annoys you, and to evaluate the alternatives in terms of whether they'd be useful for you.
In many situations, irritating people should be simply ignored - and avoid letting yourself feel that they've somehow WON if you ignore them - they're often unaware of what they're doing. Speaking your mind isn't always useful, either - unless it can be spoken in a way that will encourage the other person to change for the better, rather than to get angry back at you, or dig in their heels and become even more of a nuisance, its not necessarily useful.
And "holding it in" isn't the only other altyernative, either. You can dissipate it in exercise, distracting yourself, or relaxing in a hot bath ( and beating up the sponge ). Or go to gym, and find a punching ball.
I'm not sure why people would think you a bitch just by looking at you - are you sure ? Or is this one of those assumptions you make, which may make you more angry, and unnecessarily so ?
Counseling can help you learn to be assertive, which is no taking crap, but without needing to be aggressive.
There's nothing stupid about recognizing such a problem, and no srink worth their salt would do anything but welcome you and try to help.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/12

Have you noticed how many people this week, have been complaining of having a really bad temper ? Is it the change in the weather or what ?
It seems you need, as one would do in counselling or therapy, to examine your alternatives in choosing a response when someone or something annoys you, and to evaluate the alternatives in terms of whether they'd be useful for you.
In many situations, irritating people should be simply ignored - and avoid letting yourself feel that they've somehow WON if you ignore them - they're often unaware of what they're doing. Speaking your mind isn't always useful, either - unless it can be spoken in a way that will encourage the other person to change for the better, rather than to get angry back at you, or dig in their heels and become even more of a nuisance, its not necessarily useful.
And "holding it in" isn't the only other altyernative, either. You can dissipate it in exercise, distracting yourself, or relaxing in a hot bath ( and beating up the sponge ). Or go to gym, and find a punching ball.
I'm not sure why people would think you a bitch just by looking at you - are you sure ? Or is this one of those assumptions you make, which may make you more angry, and unnecessarily so ?
Counseling can help you learn to be assertive, which is no taking crap, but without needing to be aggressive.
There's nothing stupid about recognizing such a problem, and no srink worth their salt would do anything but welcome you and try to help.

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