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Question
Posted by: lonely | 2010/06/05

tell me I CAN''T do something.

hi doc,
this must be an unusual question, but it is one that troubles me nonetheless.For most of my life I''ve had the good fortune of being told that I could do anything. i''ve always had very positive comments and praise about my abilities and my person. Though somewhat reserved, i''ve generally had a reputation of being " good at everything" . I''ve always been told I''m " beyond my years"  and " wise" . I''ve dabbled in a huge variety of jobs, sports, activities, studies and potential careers, all of which i''ve showed huge potential for, but never actaully accomplished much. I did well at school with little work /effort - and now, many years after university, I still haven''t stuck with a job or am able to support myself (obviuosly i''m not so wise!)
I feel like i''ve cheated my way through life. Ive never done anything like everybody else. I always found the way to achieve seeminlgy good results with last minute ''cramming'' and minimal effort and it pisses off my peers.
despite all this, I feel like a complete failure who has never learnt to actually put in the hard yards. Admittedly, things come to me easily, but it''s a downright curse!
I''m bored out of my mind, suicidal at times, isolated from everybody and just don''t have a care anymore! I spend 90% of my day in a complete fantasy world made up of magical endeavors and fabricated people in my mind. I''m painfully shy with strangers. I must be so shallow as even people don''t interest me enough to connect with them - ironically I find the majority fake, pretentious and non-stimulating - does this make me shallow?? . Every time I get the urge to straighten up and ''get it together'', I start some new obscure sport or course or business venture, I pick up the skill and start doing well at it and then get bored of it a few months or even weeks in. This just is not working for me.
I struggle to see the point in living if I''m incapable of committing and doing things ''properly''.
What to do??
For once i''d like someone to tell me I CAN" T do something. Maybe there are some who think I''m looking the ''gift horse in the mouth'', but I bet there is one thing in your life that you do brilliantly. I would have that ONE brilliant thing in return for all my ''good'' skills ANY DAY!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

However talented one may be, dabbling in everything rather than selecting some particularly satisfying areas on which to concentrate your talents, is wasteful - remmber the old saying about being Jack of All Trades, an master of None.
And from your dscription, there are areas in which you are less than accomplished ( though you could indeed learn to function well there ) such a social skills and comfort with others ( and paying attention to them as well as to yourself.
You describe yourself as essentially fake, "I feel like i''ve cheated my way through life", for instance - yet you reject others as fake, without apparently taking the trouble to get to know them well enough to fairly judge that.
I'm sure there are some things you can, inded, not do at all, and some you can't do well. Indeed, if we recognize that doing something well includes being able to continue and develope the field itself as well as your skills within it, without giving up by declaring boredome before one has persisted sufficiently, maybe you're not that breathtakingly brilliant at everything.
You CAn have one or more things in life that you do brilliantly - but only if you work through the initial boredom ( boredom seems to be one of your less useful skills )
The skill of being able to stick to the duties and chores inherent in any field o worthwhile activity is an essential part of being good at anything.
A good psychotherapist of a practical bent would be able to help you understand your problem better, and to plan better towards real achiemements.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: ok | 2010/06/05

You can''t post on this board anymore.

Reply to ok
Posted by: Purple | 2010/06/05

I think you problems have nothing to do with being inteligent but with developing the ability to stick with things you start and see them through.

I find that when I ytry my hand at new things I also breeze through compared to others, but there are some things that even though I''m finding it easier than others, I still struggle with - such as accountancy - I had to take it three times at varsity before I passed and the sense of achievement with my 52% mark was far sweeter than my distinctions in every other subject where I generally just read my notes twice before an exam.

Try making an effort with people, just because they don''t interest you straight away doesn''t mean that they are shallow. I''m very extroverted so I chatter away to everyone and find that for the most part, other people are really intersting and do some quirky fun things with their lives, though some are genuinely shallow, but I just say hello and excuse myself politely if I find myself in their company.

Perhaps you should work on not giving up before you have only just mastered new skills.

Moving careers every five minutes is nost a positive sign - jack of all trades master of none really is true. Put some effort into becoming an expert in something, or two or three things and build a career from that basis.

I find that I can get really absorbed in things and a new interest will absorb me for years. Stick at things, get to know others in that field well and stop being so flighty.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/05

However talented one may be, dabbling in everything rather than selecting some particularly satisfying areas on which to concentrate your talents, is wasteful - remmber the old saying about being Jack of All Trades, an master of None.
And from your dscription, there are areas in which you are less than accomplished ( though you could indeed learn to function well there ) such a social skills and comfort with others ( and paying attention to them as well as to yourself.
You describe yourself as essentially fake, "I feel like i''ve cheated my way through life", for instance - yet you reject others as fake, without apparently taking the trouble to get to know them well enough to fairly judge that.
I'm sure there are some things you can, inded, not do at all, and some you can't do well. Indeed, if we recognize that doing something well includes being able to continue and develope the field itself as well as your skills within it, without giving up by declaring boredome before one has persisted sufficiently, maybe you're not that breathtakingly brilliant at everything.
You CAn have one or more things in life that you do brilliantly - but only if you work through the initial boredom ( boredom seems to be one of your less useful skills )
The skill of being able to stick to the duties and chores inherent in any field o worthwhile activity is an essential part of being good at anything.
A good psychotherapist of a practical bent would be able to help you understand your problem better, and to plan better towards real achiemements.

Reply to cybershrink

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