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Question
Posted by: Young Mom | 2011/10/25

Teenage pregnancy

I am a young mother, had my child when i was young, with me, i was never warned, first time sex lead to pregnancy, ever since then, i tried to be a good girl, married, had all that i could ever dream of, my parents died, i divorced and was left with my son whom i made sure he has the best of everything, he is a 22 graduate, had everything working out well for him, he meet this girl i didnt quite like, because she knew that my son had a girlfriend, but she got involved with my son, yesterday, my son told me this girlfriend is pregnant, i was very angry at him saying how can you do this, i am young to be granny, i just need some cheering up, there''s absolutely nothing i can do at this stage, some positive comments might help me deal with the whole thing.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Excellent response from Maria. Maybe you becoming a young granny isn't the absolutely worst aspect of this situation ? I'm pretty sure you could be a great granny, even if earlier than you expected. But of course this is upsetting and frustrating, and he surely knew this could happen and apparently failed to take very simple precauations. Its understandable that as a good mom you're worried about the impact on his career plans and life, and his happiness. And of course the primary concern all round should be the well-being and happiness of the child.
And at least with your caring upbringing, your son should have learned a lot about being a good parent.
Yes, do have a parenity test done to be sure he is the bio father - false accusations do occur.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jenna | 2011/10/26

Well having a baby at age 22 is better than having a baby at 18- be thankful for that. :)

Also, I don''t think it''s entirely fair to dislike the new woman based on the fact that your son was in a relationship when this happened.... your son does have a brain and he is an adult- he could have said no if he was really into his girlfiend. It takes two to tango- get to know this chick- you might like her. :)

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: Young Mom | 2011/10/25

Thanks guys, i feel a little bit better, I am sure i will be fine with time, I am blessed with good genes, at 40 i look like i am in my early 30''s imagine the child calling me granny, ke apere short, Ya dilo tsa lefase (wearing a short, things that happen in this world)

Reply to Young Mom
Posted by: Maria | 2011/10/25

Your son doesn''t have to marry his girlfriend in order to exercise his rights as a parent. You don''t know if they are considering getting married but it might be best to not make hasty decisions. They can co-parent regardless of whether or not they are married, or even still in a relationship with each other. This is hard, and it''s not ideal, but it''s better than getting married only to get divorced again a couple of years (and perhaps more children) down the line.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: To Young Mom | 2011/10/25

Congratulations !!! There is nothing like being a granny... regardless of your age.
Enjoy the baby.
Good thing you brought your son up so well !!! He could have been a " good for nothing" and you would have a baby to care for.
I have 2 children, both refuse to marry.... I wil swop with you any day.

Reply to To Young Mom
Posted by: Another young mother | 2011/10/25

Chastizing him hardly seems the right thing to do seeing that you also found yourself in the same situation, but I do understand that the shock may have caused you to react the way you did.

I know it may be hard to see or hear right now, but there is a miracle of life developing, and you have the pleasure of being his/her granny. Enjoy it. It''s really not such a train smash, as long as they love each other, and are willing and able to provide a loving home for their baby. This after all the 21st centuary.

Support your son and his girlfriend in their choices, and in making the right choices for your grandchild. Help them to provide a stable and loving home for your grandchild, rather than wasting your energy on stressing about it and fighting with them. It is what it is and you can''t wish it away. I''m sure they need all the aupport they can get right now, as they will also be feeling afraid and overwhelmed.

I do believe that you can also count your blessing that he was able to confide in you......this shows he loves and respects you, and is testimony to the fact that you provided a safe and trusting home and that he trusts you. Don''t turn your back on him now.

Good luck

Reply to Another young mother
Posted by: Maria | 2011/10/25

This must be a great shock for you. I think the best thing you can do for your son is to make sure he understands all the possible options that are available now, and well as his rights and responsibilities.

Firstly, is he sure that he is the father. The only way to prove this would be a paternity test after the baby is born.

There are basically three options: termination of the pregnancy, adoption or that they keep the baby and raise him/her themselves. If he is involved with the mother during the pregnancy and willingly identify himself as the father, then the law theoretically gives him exactly the same rights and responsibilities as it gives her. That means e.g. that she cannot give the baby up for adoption without his consent.

You know what, you did a good job raising the son you didn''t plan to have and with your guidance maybe he will be a good parent as well?

Good luck

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/25

Excellent response from Maria. Maybe you becoming a young granny isn't the absolutely worst aspect of this situation ? I'm pretty sure you could be a great granny, even if earlier than you expected. But of course this is upsetting and frustrating, and he surely knew this could happen and apparently failed to take very simple precauations. Its understandable that as a good mom you're worried about the impact on his career plans and life, and his happiness. And of course the primary concern all round should be the well-being and happiness of the child.
And at least with your caring upbringing, your son should have learned a lot about being a good parent.
Yes, do have a parenity test done to be sure he is the bio father - false accusations do occur.

Reply to cybershrink

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