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Question
Posted by: Nokwanda | 2010/05/13

Teen silly stepdaughter

I have a problem with my stepdaughter, I dont know whether she does not want me or she does not want his father to have a wife, whenever her father is away she does funny things she brakes vases in the house bring friends whereas she knows that her father does not want anyone in the house but when the father is away she will bring and I had to keep quiet. The last time I told his dad he said I dont want his baby but I told him she is 13 years old and cannot do such things because she knows what is wrong and right, the other thing that I dont like is that when she will only ask something whenever we are at the bedroom and you will notice she does not want anything but just to enter the bedroom and the father will allow this.

Last time she told the relative in Kempton Park to come and fetch her every Fridays and they did that without any consultation but I dont know why now they have decided not to come and fetch them any more last time the relative told me that the daughter is very naughty. On Tuesday while we were on our way home from work another relative from Naturena called saying that the daughter is with her, we went there and she said she was from another school nearer and decided to go to Naturena, but I just did not believe that, while we were alone with the relative she told me that the daughter said she would like to come and stay there I said its fine trying not to cause any fightings then I put 2 together and knew that there was no basket ball but she came there to take funny things today I confronted his father and told him about this he said the same thing, I have a motive towards his daughter and I dont like her. I told him that next year if he does not make up his mind with the daughter I am living him because she is trying by all means to tell the world how bad I am so that the in-laws do not like me, please assist what must I do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

At 13, she is no baby, and is responsible for her choices. And if she breaks things, and disobeys her own father's rules only when he is away, she is not showing him much respect, as well, of course, as showing little respect to you. And if the Kempton Park relative has stopped inviting her to visit, her misbehaviour is probably not only aimed at you.
Divorced or bereaved parents often feel guilty and make the big mistake of then spoiling the child, without realizing that NOT to give a child a kindly but firm and consistent code of conduct and good behaviour is in itself abusive.
And it is also common that children, especially of thjis age, resent ANY other woman in their father's life and may try hard to break up such relationships. Don't confront him - confrontation is rarely a useful method - but try to have a calm discussion about how unhappy his daughter seems to be ( if you don't sound as though you are accusing her or him or doing something wrong, he is more likely to listen )talking about how this misbehaviour on her side suggests she is unhappy about sharing him with anyone, and that this is not only shown in her behaviour towards you but also towards others. See what he thinks about that point of view, and even think about whether it would be useful for the child to see a counsellor for a few sessions to work this out

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: H | 2010/05/14

Het hy al labola betaal? As jy loop moet jou pa die beeste teruggee

Reply to H
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/13

At 13, she is no baby, and is responsible for her choices. And if she breaks things, and disobeys her own father's rules only when he is away, she is not showing him much respect, as well, of course, as showing little respect to you. And if the Kempton Park relative has stopped inviting her to visit, her misbehaviour is probably not only aimed at you.
Divorced or bereaved parents often feel guilty and make the big mistake of then spoiling the child, without realizing that NOT to give a child a kindly but firm and consistent code of conduct and good behaviour is in itself abusive.
And it is also common that children, especially of thjis age, resent ANY other woman in their father's life and may try hard to break up such relationships. Don't confront him - confrontation is rarely a useful method - but try to have a calm discussion about how unhappy his daughter seems to be ( if you don't sound as though you are accusing her or him or doing something wrong, he is more likely to listen )talking about how this misbehaviour on her side suggests she is unhappy about sharing him with anyone, and that this is not only shown in her behaviour towards you but also towards others. See what he thinks about that point of view, and even think about whether it would be useful for the child to see a counsellor for a few sessions to work this out

Reply to cybershrink

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