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Question
Posted by: Naz | 2011/02/08

Teen Pregnancy

I have a 16 yrs old daughter, well balanced good mannered obedient and respectable, I have one problem though, last year in GR10 she fell pregnant and the baby was born in January. He was at the same school, she will be returning to school now to finish her GR 11 and 12. I have one problem though that I was ok with this boy while she was pregnant and his parents were supportive, but since the baby is born they seemed to have wanted to be in control and take over my daughter’  s life, I put a stop to it so fast, and I have been telling them that they must be so glad that I didn’  t chase away this boy from the word go, and I feel that if there are decisions to be made for my daughter I will make them. Every time this people push my buttons that makes me go ballistic on my daughter. My daughter and I have a very good relationship and understanding and I’  m afraid I am going to lose my child and ruin our mother daughter relationship. How do I handle this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Though teenage pregnancy is usually more difficult than later pregnancies, better planned and in a more stable couple, many of the issues remain much the same. Are they just trying to be helpful, but maybe clumsy and annoying in how they do it ? Or truly interfering, certain that they know best, and wanting to make decisions for her that should properly be hers ?
But you say you fear you might lose your child - do you fear that she would prefer their advice to yours ? That she might want to do and live with them ? Otherwise, how would you lose her ? You say you have a good relationship with her, and understand each other - congratulations.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2011/02/09

Be thankful that he and is family are continuing to give support. You can''t " chase him away"  - as the father, he has the right to see his child, whether you like it or not and he can go to court to insist on it.

Perhaps invite the family over for a braai and try to have a casual chat about what is upsetting you. They might have things that are upsetting them too and need a chance to raise them with you.

As your daughter is fairly sensible and the child is hers, perhaps you and the " inlwas"  need to back off a bit and let her find her feet in raising this child. Yes, she will make mistakes, just like you did, and things will probably turn out just fine.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/08

Though teenage pregnancy is usually more difficult than later pregnancies, better planned and in a more stable couple, many of the issues remain much the same. Are they just trying to be helpful, but maybe clumsy and annoying in how they do it ? Or truly interfering, certain that they know best, and wanting to make decisions for her that should properly be hers ?
But you say you fear you might lose your child - do you fear that she would prefer their advice to yours ? That she might want to do and live with them ? Otherwise, how would you lose her ? You say you have a good relationship with her, and understand each other - congratulations.

Reply to cybershrink

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