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Question
Posted by: Naz | 2011/02/08

Teen Pregnancy

I have a 16 yrs old daughter, well balanced good mannered obedient and respectable, I have one problem though, last year in GR10 she fell pregnant and the baby was born in January. He was at the same school, she will be returning to school now to finish her GR 11 and 12. I have one problem though that I was ok with this boy while she was pregnant and his parents were supportive, but since the baby is born they seemed to have wanted to be in control and take over my daughter’ s life, I put a stop to it so fast, and I have been telling them that they must be so glad that I didn’ t chase away this boy from the word go, and I feel that if there are decisions to be made for my daughter I will make them. Every time this people push my buttons that makes me go ballistic on my daughter. My daughter and I have a very good relationship and understanding and I’ m afraid I am going to lose my child and ruin our mother daughter relationship. How do I handle this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Naz,

your dilemma is based within the situation that your daughter is still a youn person who needs guidance, boundaries and parenting, and at the same time she has become a mother herself and so finds herself between two worlds.

It is important that as her mother you still feel empowered to make decisions with her reagrding her future. However, something imporatnt to be aware of is that he is the father of the child and it is important for everyone and especially the baby that the father's role is integrated.

I would suggest that you try and have a family meeting involving the father and his parents to discuss how to proceed as this is a huge learning curve for all of you. It is important to outline that both sets of parents still remain crucial in assisiting your daughter and their son in dealing with the situation. Where possible you need to make your feelings known and so do they.

If it doesn't initially work out I would suggest you all consider involving a family therapist. An excellent organisation that will be able to give you advice is the Family Association of South Africa (FAMSA) wh0 can be contacted at www.famsa.org.za

This is a major change in both families and assimilating that change will take time and inevitably negotiation.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Reggie | 2011/05/06

Satdns back from the keyboard in amazement! Thanks!

Reply to Reggie
Posted by: Teen expert | 2011/02/09

Hi Naz,

your dilemma is based within the situation that your daughter is still a youn person who needs guidance, boundaries and parenting, and at the same time she has become a mother herself and so finds herself between two worlds.

It is important that as her mother you still feel empowered to make decisions with her reagrding her future. However, something imporatnt to be aware of is that he is the father of the child and it is important for everyone and especially the baby that the father's role is integrated.

I would suggest that you try and have a family meeting involving the father and his parents to discuss how to proceed as this is a huge learning curve for all of you. It is important to outline that both sets of parents still remain crucial in assisiting your daughter and their son in dealing with the situation. Where possible you need to make your feelings known and so do they.

If it doesn't initially work out I would suggest you all consider involving a family therapist. An excellent organisation that will be able to give you advice is the Family Association of South Africa (FAMSA) wh0 can be contacted at www.famsa.org.za

This is a major change in both families and assimilating that change will take time and inevitably negotiation.

Reply to Teen expert

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