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Question
Posted by: Mom | 2012/07/04

Teen girl smoking,

Please help my beautifull teen daughter started smoking and I would like to handle it the right way, I will lay down the rules for her toninght have a printout of the side effects of smoking, any good advise , will be appreciated, I dont want to shout and fight with her I would like to do it in a constructive way, she is not a bad kid, she started smoking in the boarding school she was, she goes to school, has a part time job,and really focused, I am not sure what to say to her.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes, of course, keep it calm but firm. Maybe start by asking her what she knows already about smoking and the dmaage it causes ( then you can build on that with the extra information you have ); and ask her to speculate about why she smokes, despite knowing that. Indicate that you understand peer pressure and the desire to sem "cool", but discuss how to resist peer pressure, and how uncool it actually is to follow others, rather than have the courage of your own opinion.
Emphasize also the aspects Gracie mentions - that it makes a girl LESS attractive in looks, behaviors, and even smell.
You start by asking, in a friendly fashion, and listening, so your comments then fit with what she knows and feels.
Let us know how it goes

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Chris758 | 2012/07/05

You can also tell her that when a boy knows she smokes he assumes that she also pokes!! Sounds very bad but that is the facts!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Olly | 2012/07/04

Try and keep your cool and be rational about it. It will be very difficult to keep your emotions in check but it is very important to try. It might be something as simple as peer pressure at school and about her fitting in with a group. Try and find out the reason why she is smoking. Also making statements like " It''s bad for you"  to her won''t get very far. You need to ask questions that she will need to reply to. If you ask the right questions around why she has a need to smoke  whether she really understands the implications and consequences of her smoking and also the potential consequences to her from associating with the group that smokes you should make make progress - but hit her with questions and insist on answers. Then you can lead it to an outcome with more questions like " don''t you think it will be better for your long term health?"  or if you are brave enough ask " do you think think your boyfriend will enjoy kissing someone with a mouth that stinks and tastes like a dirty toilet?''
You must really rub it in with your questions and if you lead her with the right questions her own answers should convince her shes doing the wrong thing - good luck!!

Reply to Olly
Posted by: Gracie | 2012/07/04

You already seem to know how to handle the situation. Yelling and fighting with her will make her angry and maybe even rebellious. Sit her down and explain the dangers of smoking to her, the different types of cancer associated with smoking (of which there are a number), bad circulation (as advised by a physiotherapist), an ugly skin and unhealthy hair, the list is endless. Unfortunately smoking is an addiction which is oftentimes difficult to give up. Good luck, I hope your daughter realises that you are concerned for her and her wellbeing and that she will realise the dangers of her (disgusting) habit.

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/04

Yes, of course, keep it calm but firm. Maybe start by asking her what she knows already about smoking and the dmaage it causes ( then you can build on that with the extra information you have ); and ask her to speculate about why she smokes, despite knowing that. Indicate that you understand peer pressure and the desire to sem "cool", but discuss how to resist peer pressure, and how uncool it actually is to follow others, rather than have the courage of your own opinion.
Emphasize also the aspects Gracie mentions - that it makes a girl LESS attractive in looks, behaviors, and even smell.
You start by asking, in a friendly fashion, and listening, so your comments then fit with what she knows and feels.
Let us know how it goes

Reply to cybershrink

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