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Question
Posted by: Worried mom | 2011-08-31

Teen and alcohol

My 15 year old son was found unconscious and half frozen around 4am outside, after having drank red wine and taken whatever, he had snuck out of the house at night while I was away on business. He says he didn''t take any drugs but that there was dagga where he was. He refuses to tell me who he was with and where he went but how can I trust his friends after this? What do I do to make sure this does not happen again? He got a big fright and says he''ll never do it again. He is a good boy, intelligent and we used to be close and talk about everything. I need to teach him that his actions have got consequences for all that love and saw him in that state.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like you can't be sure who are his friends, and which of them are or are not trustworthy. Obviously you are alarmed at what happened. Only blood and urine tests taken at the time ( presumably he was taken to casualty after being found unconscious ? ) could have ascertained whether he had taken anything beyond alcohol, and if so, what.
From the sound of it, being a sensble kid, he may indeed have been frightened at such an experience, and at realizing the risks he ran. Try to reinforce and strengthen his declared resolve not to run suh risks again. Try not to allow your natural alarm, anger and fear to make your attempts to talk about this with him into fraught and oppositional confrontations, but rather chat about how alarming this has been for both of you, and how you can help him stick to his resolve to avoid such risks again.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Worried mom | 2011-08-31

Thanks for the response. I know most of his friends and what really worries me is that for him to sneak out at night to go " chill"  somewhere, he must have gone with someone he trusted. Unfortunately no urine or blood tests were done as they needed a family member to authorise and my family were still on the way. He was with the nanny and neighbours. Should I insist that he tell me who he went out with and to who''s house? His 11year old sister saw him in that state and she is hurt, fearful, disappointed as she looked up to him as her role model. She talks a lot about it and I tell her that although he did this bad thing, he feels ashamed and he is still the same kind loving brother.

Reply to Worried mom
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-08-31

Sounds like you can't be sure who are his friends, and which of them are or are not trustworthy. Obviously you are alarmed at what happened. Only blood and urine tests taken at the time ( presumably he was taken to casualty after being found unconscious ? ) could have ascertained whether he had taken anything beyond alcohol, and if so, what.
From the sound of it, being a sensble kid, he may indeed have been frightened at such an experience, and at realizing the risks he ran. Try to reinforce and strengthen his declared resolve not to run suh risks again. Try not to allow your natural alarm, anger and fear to make your attempts to talk about this with him into fraught and oppositional confrontations, but rather chat about how alarming this has been for both of you, and how you can help him stick to his resolve to avoid such risks again.

Reply to cybershrink

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