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Posted by: Moon (aka JP) | 2008/08/05

Talking about youthfull experiments

My 2 cents…  From the age of about 12 to 16, my 5 years older brother and I, played “ games” . At first I quite enjoyed it! By the age of 14, I wangled it my way, as I was always on the “ receiving”  end, and I never had to return the favor. As he would play with himself while going down on me. Then by 15 I hated it, he would come into my room late at night, and I would wish it would just finish as fast a possible! I spend more and more time in the gym, and by 16 I was able to fend him off. I always felt guilty of not saying NO! How would he know I did not want it if I did not say NO? Therefore, I feel it is my own mistake, and not as much molesting…  I’ ve blocked this out, and I never think of it! Then the first challenge came when I became sexually active –  my body was “ trained”  to “ go”  as quick a possible to make it end, and I never thought of returning the favor, as I would felt guilty of going sooo fast…  Took us about 8 years to work through THAT! Then something happen, and now I’ m just so angry at him. I now find myself thinking of it more and more, and my anger get more and more. My brother (who is married for 5 years, and got 2 children) came out of the closet…  He is gay!! What seemed like a “ game”  between brothers, which I could still (and have) forgive him, became more than that! He used me! …  This posting is getting too long  I guess my question is just: What now? Was this “ secret game”  childishness or molesting?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Doesn't it depend on the definitions you choose ? Where 2 children experiment together, whichever one happens to take the lead, without particular coercion, this happens to happen, commonly, usually not intensively or for long, and usually with no later ill-effects. Maybe it's not what anyone would recommend or consider desirable, but it happens, and when parents and others over-react, the kids can easily be more harmed by those over-reactions than from the deeds themselves.
Thether coerced or not, other reactions, especially in the long-term, are possible --- one is guilt, as you describe, especially if, as is also one potential natural response, one enjoys aspects of it. Another is the potential for such reactions as you describe as becoming as a habit inclined to work towards a rapid conclusion so as to shorten such episodes, or to see oneself as needing to be sexual towards others in order to be liked, let alone loved.
If there are such lasting effects, seeing a good local counsellor is a good idea, to work through whatever issues still persist for you. The anger you feel now, for instance, which doesn't change the situation of what happened, but it unpleasant and unhelpful for you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2008/08/05

Moon, I' m not sure CS is taking your brother' s side. Your second message added an extra dimension to the story that wasn' t really clear in your original post. Besides, your brother is not the important one here, you are. From personal experience I know how important it is to have an understanding partner, and for your sake I' m glad that your wife is supportive. But you are obviously not ok with what happened to you, nor is there a reason why you should be. Seeking help is not a weak or silly thing to do, it takes courage, and a good counseller can help you to deal with something that has a big impact on you.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: confused | 2008/08/05

But why would you get sexual with your brother. You must have known 2 males together is not normal.

Reply to confused
Posted by: Moon | 2008/08/05

But everyone reacts either like CS or like BOBO... Except my wife. She is just a STAR! i wish I can express to her in words what she means to me!

Reply to Moon
Posted by: Maria | 2008/08/05

Moon, this is not a " single little thing" .

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Moon | 2008/08/05

Hey Maria, As I said, thank you very much! I just feel like this is a loosing battle! Plus, one can not run to a counselor for every single little thing...

Reply to Moon
Posted by: Maria | 2008/08/05

LOL, sorry Moon, the above post was from me!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Moon | 2008/08/05

Why thanks Moon... Moon? I' m i talking to myself... LoL

Reply to Moon
Posted by: Moon | 2008/08/05

Moon, you were still quite young when all this started and as you say, he was your hero. I really think you should go for counselling and work through this, for your own sake and the sake of your relationships. Perhaps try the sexual abuse forum as well for support.

Reply to Moon
Posted by: Moon | 2008/08/05

No!
That is the problem!!! Everybody sees it that way! Taking HIS side! Me on the other hand was introduced to something that my older brother (my hero) told me, all brothers and big men does - Which I never wanted... Nor did i know how to get out of it!!! that is why I gymed all that much to mo#r him!

Reply to Moon
Posted by: BOBO | 2008/08/05

U had an incestuous relationship with your brother? N enjoyed it?

Reply to BOBO

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