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Question
Posted by: KellyM | 2010/02/02

Talking about sex to hubby

I read Female' s response above and can' t imagine phoning my husband and talking to him like this. He hates me calling him at work and discussing anything that may be personal, even something general. I envy you Female.

When we got married I was very open about sex. I loved to touch him and at night would initiate sex. We lived alone and I didn' t think anything of walking out of the bathroom with a towel or lying on my bed naked. My husband would always tell me to stop as there is a place and time for everything. I wasn' t to walk around with a towel or naked as we could get visitors or there could be an emergency.

I guess that put me off sex. I do get horny, but find that it doesn' t happen with him anymore. I have tried to relax and have tried to even fantasize during sex, but I have never had an orgasm with him. We are married 6yrs now.

I once bought a book on sex for us. I don' t know where he hid it. We' re only 34. My son shares a room with us and he is 4 and this also totally puts me off sex.

Help. Advise please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear KellyM,

The challenge you describe in your relationship with your husband regarding both communicating about your sexual needs and the differences in your values and approach to sexuality cannot be addressed properly in this type of forum.

I strongly recommend you consider consultinga relationship and sex therapist to address this in depth.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lady | 2010/02/03

yes please woman - love love love all the responses you give!! :)

Reply to Lady
Posted by: Woman | 2010/02/03

Hmmm... thanks A man, I' m actually strongly considering it. (in a blog form, maybe on the 24 site). I love helping people, and have always been the agony aunt for my friends. I do believe that above advice can help the lady involved, because it works every day for me :)

Reply to Woman
Posted by: A man | 2010/02/03

It' s true woman, it is easy, it just takes some work, your advice was spot on, you should start an advice column

Reply to A man
Posted by: Woman | 2010/02/03

Hi Charl, Thank you for the compliment :) It is easy to have a great sex life! Maybe I should start a blog...

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Charl | 2010/02/02

Hi Woman, please let me know when you start with classes on the topic above, you certainly know your thing in this matter. Surely me and my wive can learn a lot from you, you let it sound so easy. I really appreciate your response.

Reply to Charl
Posted by: woman | 2010/02/02

(sorry - evil laptop from hell)

I hope this works for you. Phoning my hubby at work is just something that branched off from there (hi, you know what, I' m wearing that sexy purple lace today, wanna take it off later?) Or else i just send him a quick mail.. I hope your hubby wakes up soon!

all the best!!

Reply to woman
Posted by: Woman | 2010/02/02

Hi Kelly,

We have three kids and have an active and varied sex life. When we had our baby (he' s now 2), our sex life dwindled to almost nothing. Do you know why? Junior slept first, in our bed and then in his own bed, in our room. There is NOTHING that kills passion quicker than a baby or a child in our room. Unsure? In december, we visited the folks and had to share a room, guess what? No sex! Kids in the bedroom are passion killers. Our bedroom is off limits to the kids, and if the door is closed, they MUST knock before they come in. Even the 2 year old does this. This is common courtesy.

The first step you must take , is to take your bedroom back! Move junior out! (Even if he screams) . It' s you bedroom after all.

Secondly you must make your bedroom a place that inspires a decent sex life. Make it sexy - new bedsheets (satin if you can) maybe a mosquito net, soft lighting. All children' s books, children' s playthings, laptops, tv' s - OUT!! Next, invest in more than one negligee' s. I' m talking lace and satin. Next candles - a whole heap (soften' s the bulges and make stretch marks disappear. If you have an en suite - do the same there - clean up! No bath toys, kids shampoo, cloths etc. All out! Instead invest in some candles, soft his &  hers towels, bubbles and bath salts.

Now for the last step. Once this is all done, and come 20:00, Junior HAS to be in bed. Once he' s settled into his new routine (and it will happen sooner than you think). You turn off the lights, light the candles and whip out the sexy night wear. There must be at least five sets. (don' t let him know this at this stage) Put one on. Ask hubby what he thinks. does he like it? lift it up just a little on your thigh... chances are that you won' t get past taking it off.

Later on, after the passion has been spent, just tell him very nonchalantly, that you have more negligee' s and tomorrow night you' ll show him another one... you need his help in choosing which one is your favourite...

It' s very easy to forget that you' re a sexual being when you have kids, he just needs to be reminded that he has so many avenues to explore!

I hope t

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/02/02

Dear KellyM,

The challenge you describe in your relationship with your husband regarding both communicating about your sexual needs and the differences in your values and approach to sexuality cannot be addressed properly in this type of forum.

I strongly recommend you consider consultinga relationship and sex therapist to address this in depth.

Reply to Sexologist

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